~放掉过去。拥抱未来~

sorry

2012-01-16T23:46:00.002+08:00

to keep you caught in between us..im trying to be understanding but it seems so difficult..

2011-09-14T13:30:00.000+08:00

I suck..period.

hi i'm back

2011-09-14T00:37:00.003+08:00

Hi i'm back after so long...which might not be such a good thing afterall. Since i usually dun blog unless i'm really upset...

Birthday is just around the corner...just another 2more weeks or so but i cant feel the anticipation nor excitement...why???

Life's been pretty screwed up recently...studies, cca, love life seems to all jumble up into one whole big chunk of mess.

Sch is as usual..hectic and stuff with projects + lab reports....busy like hell and serious information overload...and wads the worst part....i cant seem to find time to study..

Cca is screwed up too...cant seem to achieve wad i'd set out to right at the beginning...starting to doubt my leadership and influence + interpersonal relationship skills...am i simply too demanding? like a living hitler apart from the fact that i'm not charismatic enuff...

Love was wad i told that cld keep me going in difficult times, by seeking support from the love of my life...but it turns out that i'm just not a good lover...i thought i did wadever i cld whenever i can...but it seems like thats not enuff..quarrels and arguements still surfaced over trival issues...am i too strong-headed? too sensitive but not sensitive enuff? Sometimes i jus wish that there can be this love guru whom i can turn to for solutions and ask wad went wrong on my part. I love u so much dear and i know u do too..but why isit that we just keep doing/saying things that upsets each other? U said that i'd always spoke to u in a condescending tone, which i went to google n it says a tone of superiority. Since whn ve i ever seen myself as more superior than u?? Yknow that sentence really made me think if i'm really such a 'demanding' and 'unreasonable' person...dear, i know u so well that a single expression or action can tell me wad kind of mood u're in now...and whn i'm well-aware that u're unhappy yet u refuse to admit, i cant help but ask myself why isit that u have to lie? Do u think that i duno u well enuff n so u can try to hide ur feelings whn ur expression tells me everything? U know for that 4hrs i was so frustrated n i din even had the appetite to eat. I had to constantly guess wads on ur mind becozu refused to acknowledge ur unhappiness. Pls dun ever do that to me becoz the suspense is torturing the helk out of me given that i was alr in a terrible state..

I really hate to cry but i just cant seem to control my tears recently...which is kinda bad coz i go to sch with red puffy eyes..i wonder if i can really pull thru all these...becoz i can feel the old 'me' returning.......

N to all my frens out there....if u think that there's a prob with my attitude etc, pls tell me right in my face...i'll rather have it that way than having cold treatments...or worse still, playing along with me till u cant take it anymore n explode one day...

dun dare to sleep

2011-06-04T00:06:00.002+08:00

because i fear the repetition of that nightmare....

woke up with tears on friday morning...in fact i was woken up by my own crying and hard breathing...it was really a terrible nightmare and i hope it remains as just a nightmare...

please....

2011-05-21T22:25:00.002+08:00

a bad night sleep is indeed a catalyst for an otherwise perfect saturday...

woke up early for tuition..she's by-far, the best tuitee i've ever had...so no problem with tuition..

wad bothered me was the throbbing headache...and the lift reno really didnt make things better for me..

wanted to stay at home and really have a good rest after preparing my tuition materials...but turned out that mom wanted to visit granduncle at CGH...well she kinda set a guilt trap and i fell straight into it...so ended up going down to CGH with her in the afternoon..

it's only been less than 2weeks, and i could barely recognise him...he turned so skinny that i can see his protruding ribcage from the loose and hardly fitting hospital wear..they claimed that he'd been sent there due to low red blood cells count and low blood pressure, which were triggered cox of the blood cancer...they're doing a blood transfusion for him and hopefully things turn better..

well, at the very least, he's still conscious and able to recognise us..he even laughed at us for walking by and missing his ward, and smiled to us thinking that we'd brought rice for him..but he looked so frail that i find it too painful to look at him...many times i'd wanted to cry but held back my tears coz i know i just cant do that..

the doctor put him on a soft diet probably due to poor digestion, which means only porridge for him for the moment..we visited him with 2 tau shortly before his dinner arrived..it was just a small bowl of porridge, steamed egg mixed with minced meat, pumpkin and papaya...i guess that wasnt exactly filling for him coz he soon turned to us and asked for a bowl of rice, shortly after he gobbled up the dinner provided..mom tried to explained to him that becoz he's on blood transfusion so doctor doesnt allow him to eat rice..well thats probably the easiest way to explain things to him since he probably wun understand 'weak digestion'..he even turned to look at my mom's handbag and asked if she brought rice for him..mom just had to say no...

he turned to look away from us, eyeing other ppl's plates of rice and probably wondering why is he the only one eating porridge..he practically stared at the uncle sitting at the bed beside the whole time till he finished his plate of rice...when we tried to talk to him, he hardly bothered to reply/look at us, probably angry at the fact that we refuse to give him rice..when we visited him 2weeks ago at NUH, we'd promised him duck rice and fried rice the next time because he was still able to take in solid food back then..but we broke our promise and he's probably very angry about it...

its really a mental struggle...on one hand, we know that his days are numbered and it would be only moral to give him things that he wants to leave no regrets...in this case, it would be food that he likes to eat...but on the other, we also know very well that giving him food outside of that restricted diet might cause him more harm instead..we arent very keen on shortening his already-short and numbered days...

i really dread going to CGH...seriously of all hospitals in singapore, it had to be CGH...it wasnt exactly a pleasant experience the last time i was there almost a year ago..walking around CGH simply brought back all the unpleasant memories..in fact, i would term those memories as 'nightmares'....i really do hope that they're just nightmares and i would eventually wake up from them..

i was really on the verge of breaking down when i was alone at the lift lobby..the feeling of being alone with no support is really terrifying...

really really hope the visit tml will be less painful...

Apology isnt everything...

2011-05-09T23:48:00.002+08:00

kinda realised this today...

females hate it when males apologise for the sake of apologising, without know whats the reason behind one's anger....

'you are angry and you want an apology so I say sorry lor!'

that's likely wads going thru all guys' minds when their girlfriends/wives are fuming...

well, then i'm telling you, all guys out there, that an apology isnt everything... whats the point of getting an apology from someone who's still unaware of his mistakes??

不知悔改还敷衍了事，简直就是错上加错，大错特错！！记住，女人最讨厌没诚意的男人。。。

同床异梦

2011-05-05T02:21:00.001+08:00

妈妈今天下午说得没错。。。那样的日子，可能真的会很累。。。

suffocating...

2011-04-26T13:20:00.002+08:00

exams are really suffocating...cant wait for 4th may to end the short-term misery...2 more sems to go after this....

it feels really terrible when u yearn to do well but deep down, u know thats not gonna come try no matter how hard you try...

2011-04-17T23:09:00.001+08:00

是我太过‘宠’你，才会变成现在这样吗？

PS: 无可奉告 (a.k.a dun come asking me about this post)

how does it feel like

2011-04-13T19:19:00.005+08:00

to know when exactly you're dying?

*warning: this is an extremely depressing entry. viewer's discretion is advised..

if given a choice, will you
(1) choose to know when you're gonna die so that you can...
- leave the rest of your life to the fullest and leave no regrets
- spend the rest of your life trying very hard to make that day come slower (even though deep inside, you know that's impossible)

(2) choose to not know and live your live as per normal

up till today, i'll still choose option 1 for myself...

but, i'll really rather not know it for my family and friends....coz its too depressing for me to bear..

yes, if i know, then at least i can do whatever i can to accompany that person till his/her very last breath, grant all of his/her wishes, adjust myself to be able to accept his/her absence...

but all those are just too much to bear...

if that someone had been by your side for the past 10-20 years, how are you going to 'learn' how to accept his/her absence?

maybe i'm all too emotional.....or not?

no where else to rant

2011-04-12T00:09:00.003+08:00

except for here...my beloved blog that will allow me to rant/vent whatever i want...

my foot hurts! seriously, this is the time when i really wish i could just say all sorts of #^$&^((#)$*$^$)#%!!>$(#$....rahhhhhh

just because of a stupid small blister, it developed into a big swollen one pus, and it hurts when i walked...so i decided to prick and poke a few holes, squeezed out all the 'juice' and pus, applied anti-bacterial cream....my toe turned purple!!!!! so i switched to qing cao you and plaster it...totally had difficulty walking coz i din want to put pressure on my last 2 toes (1. i din want my toe to hurt 2. i din want to squeeze out more 'juice'/blood) so after an entire day of 'limping', i ended with an extremely painful right foot. the part of the foot that connects to my last 2 toes hurts like S.O.T.B (pardon me, i couldnt find a better word than this)...tried massaging my foot and i ended up crying...

ohwells...guys might think 'wlau, its just a blister la....we'd been through worse in army...', girls might not be able to 'feel' the pain....but ohwells, i'm just ranting coz nth else could be done anyway...

darn..(ps: i dun usually end my post with sth crude, but lets make today an exception)

好累。。

2011-04-07T17:31:00.001+08:00

但是还蛮庆幸的。。。如果今天忙的人不是我，我应该会更不好受吧。。

when will i ever

2011-04-06T00:27:00.000+08:00

see efforts translating into results?

long to hear....

2011-04-04T00:39:00.000+08:00

lullaby....when will the 2nd time be? =)

2011-04-02T00:29:00.003+08:00

Realised that the best time to see/observe one's true character is when he/she is extremely tired...coz he/she will put in no/near zero effort to hide what they usually do, because pretence is no longer their top priority, neither do they have the energy to control their temper... haha some of u may disagree...but to be frank, it doesnt really bothers me...its my blog anyway....

2011-03-31T22:49:00.000+08:00

夹心饼？

Selena - Dreaming Of You

2011-03-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

late at night when all the world is sleeping, i stayed up and think of you...

'cause i'm dreaming of you tonight...till tomorrow, i'll be holding you tight..
and there's nowhere in the world i'll rather be, than here in my room, dreaming about you and me~

Project Work

2011-03-20T21:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it doesnt suck to have lots of project due at the same period. but it certainly sucks to have project mates who don't really care..when the datelines are drawing nearer, and no one seem to be bothered by them (all except for youself), that kind of feeling really sucks and thats when you have 2 options:
(1) suck it up and do the honour since ur grades are at stake too
(2) heck care and flunk the project altogether (meanwhile, pray hard that someone is less dense to discover that datelines are approaching and start working on it)

sad to say, i'm not the kind of person who is willing to sacrifice my grades (at least not for those kind of unworthy people) so what to do? suck it up....

life sucks, move on....(and perhaps, stop compraining)

2011-03-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

一想到那点，就会让我窒息。。

范瑋琪-一比一 ktv

2011-03-16T23:08:00.000+08:00

randomness~

2011-03-16T22:31:00.002+08:00

（看电视中。。。）
妈妈：肖马的今年异性缘很好嘞。。可是要小心被骗财骗色！最好是朝自己的目标走。。。
（-.-lll）
我：呃。。。朝自己的目标？
妈妈：对阿！你不是要当老师吗？！
我：是啊。。。可是这和感情有什么关系啊？再说，难道全世界肖马的都会被骗吗？哈哈，难道肖马的今年都不用交男女朋友了哦？
妈妈：。。。。。。

（过了几分钟。。。）
妈妈：肖龙的今年最好不要爬山涉水噢！很危险。。。
（我在想，不论何时，爬山涉水都是危险的吧？=x）
我：。。。。。。
妈妈：他是肖龙的对吗？
我：哦。。对啊。。。

（看我妈妈多疼你。。。*吃醋*）

好歌欣赏

2011-03-14T23:45:00.000+08:00

范瑋琪 - 到不了

你眼睛会笑弯成一道桥
终点却是我永远到不了
感觉你来到是风的呼啸
思念像苦药竟如此难熬
每分每秒

我找不到我到不了
你所谓的将来的美好
我什么都不要
知不知道若你懂我这一秒

我想看到我在寻找
那所谓的爱情的美好
我紧紧地依靠
紧紧守牢不敢漏掉
一丝一毫愿你看到

回头看一看。。

2011-03-08T00:14:00.002+08:00

城市的生活节奏越来越快，人们的步伐也渐渐地快起来。可是就因为加快了步伐，很多时候，我们可能忽略了那些一直默默地跟在我们身后的人。

何不试着放慢脚步，偶尔回过头看一看。。。或许你等待已久的人就在你身后，正努力地尝试着跟上你的脚步。。。

有些人，可能跟得久了，觉得累了，就会消失在你眼前。。。

好好珍惜你周遭的人，事，物。。。

闲话

2011-03-04T22:56:00.002+08:00

我不明白，你到处说和别人那些话有什么意义。说了就会比较好受吗？你，到底有什么目的？

谁说女人心海底针？男人的思维也很复杂好吗。。。。

Jolin Tsai - Jia Mian De Gao Bai

2011-03-03T21:48:00.000+08:00

第六章：放下问题

2011-02-27T22:14:00.002+08:00

当你遇到问题时，你会怎么做？是把力气用来解决问题，还是把精力花在追想问题？

回想一下，当你遇到困难，麻烦，不幸的时候，你是否也是这样 - 总是把注意放在问题上？

大多数的人都犯了这种错误，思想总是 “一问题为主”，试图将每一个问题都弄清楚。这种做法，表面上来看，好像在解决问题，而实际上却是把问题延伸，结果真个人都陷入 “问题之中”以致愁眉不展。

事实上，我们对问题投入越多的关注，就越不可能得到答案。为什么？试想，如果你是对的，那你又怎会陷入这个难题呢？套句爱因斯坦的话：“一个问题的解答，决不会出自于住处制造出问题时的相同了解度。”这就是为什么你越去想问题，问题往往就越难解。

没错，一个问题的答案，决不会出自“有问题”的那个人。

因为，我们无法思考我们不知道的东西，不是吗？你怎么可能想出一个你不知道如何解决的问题？所有的想法都是来自你的过去，它总是一再的重复，很难有新的见解，所以你就算像破了头，也是没什么用的。

那该怎么办？放任问题不去理会吗？不，不去关注问题，并不是否认问题的存在，因为当哪天你相通了，开窍了，那个问题必然还在，不是吗？

不同的是，当你放下问题，新添不再供给问题生根的土壤，如此一来，反而能以全新的视野来看问题，漫漫的你将发现自己已身在答案之中。

第五章：快乐秘诀

2011-02-26T23:35:00.002+08:00

快乐是什么？在你看到这个字眼的时候，你是否对它有某些概念？比方要得到某个东西，达到某个目标，获得某个结果，如此你才会觉得快乐。是这样吗？

你是否也设定了一些条件，关于有一天你快乐是你的生活 “将是” 什么样子，但是今天，就现在，你却没有一点喜悦的感觉？

你说，等我得到那个东西，我就会快乐。所以在你得到那个东西之前，你总是闷闷不乐。于是，你等，等，等，直到有一天你终于得到了，你果然欢喜快乐。

然而，快乐的感觉似乎没能维持多久 - 因为这时你又有新的目标，又想得到别的东西，这既是我们不快乐的原因。

我们在快乐上附加了太多的条件，以致变得如此的不快乐。

其实大家都弄错了，快乐并不需要任何条件，它并不是：“当我得到什么，我才快乐。”或是：“当我得不到，我就不快乐。”

快乐是无条件的，我很快乐，如果结果是好的，我很快乐；如果结果是坏的，我也快乐，快乐是我的人生态度，不管生命带来什么，我都决定要快乐。

有一位八十多岁的老人，每天都发牢骚，悲观厌世，任何事情都无法让他高兴。

有一天不知怎地，他突然变了，变成了一位乐观，开朗，充满喜乐的人。

朋友很好奇地问他：“是什么原因使你突然又设么大的变化？”

这位老人答道：“我一生中老师心烦意乱，经常患得患失，因为我渴望得到某些东西，可是我一直没有得到。最后，我放弃了，决定即使没有得到哪些东西，我也要快乐，结果就快乐起来。”

没错，重要的是你，是你决定了自己是否快乐。

试想，当某一天你所期望的结果终于实现了，又是谁要你快乐的？根本就是你自己，不是吗？

第四章：静观自得

2011-02-25T22:04:00.002+08:00

静观自得

你抵抗什么，什么就会扩大，你静观什么，什么就会消失。

不管你正面临的问题是 - 育人冲突，争吵，或是受人批评，攻击，污辱，如果你去对抗，问题就会扩大且持续下去。

我们都可以了解，只要有对抗，就会有冲突，就会有对立，而冲突和对立，又会引发愤怒，攻击，暴力。。。。。。，然后就没完没了。

反之，只要让自己沉静下来，那么不论你静观什么，什么就会消失。

你不需费心去找任何理由为自己辩护，只要沉静下来，你的举止本身就会显示出最好的理由。

你不需费力去争执，只要沉静下来，你连想都不用想，正确的言语自然就会产生。

你不需刻意去控制情绪，只要沉静下来，什么都不说，什么都不做，什么都不计较，心境自然平静。

所谓万物静观皆自得，我们只要把心沉静下来，直到心田的淤泥沉淀，湖水自然澄清 - 你的困扰自然也就消失不见。

第三章：为何不满

2011-02-24T23:58:00.002+08:00

为何不满

什么是满足, 什么是不满足？满足就是拥有的比想要的多，不满足就是想要的比拥有的多。更明白地说，不满足就是想要求取更多的心态，满足就是放下这种欲求。

不论老少，大部分人的不满足都是来自我们想得到 [更多] 的欲望。年轻人渴望更多的钱，更好的工作，更漂亮的妻子，房子，车子；老年人更贪，他们要事业，要地位，要名誉，还想要变年轻。每个人想要的都那么多，又怎么可能满足呢？

其实你已经拥有了不少，但你的心却不在已拥有的东西上，你一直在找寻那些没有的。结果，你越去想自己欠缺的，就越发沮丧，二月沮丧就越会去想欠缺的 - 于是你变得不满，总觉得不足，这是没有尽头的。

人们不幸的由来，乃在看不见自己的幸运；不满的由来，则是不知道自己早该满足了。如果你不觉得自己是幸福的，你又如何感受到幸福呢？很难，对吗？如果你不知道满足，那么你又怎么可能对目前的生活满意？

腻味么你会认为自己应该要满足于自己的欲求呢？是谁规定的？如果你的欲望让你受苦，你要做的，应该是去限制欲望而不是设法满足它们，不是吗？

希腊大哲说过：“如果你要使一个人快乐，别增添他的财富，而要减少他的欲望。”一点都没错，要得到快乐和满足，并不需要追求什么，而是要放弃那个追求。

放弃越多，欲望就越少；欲望越少，满足就越多。

纳闷。。

2011-02-24T00:37:00.002+08:00

我并不生气，只是有点纳闷。
纳闷为什么你竟能做出那样的反应还不以为然。。。
真的好纳闷哦。。。。

第二章：不再追悔

2011-02-23T23:34:00.002+08:00

是否曾经觉得自己当初不该做某件事，而事后就一直懊恼当时为什么会做出那样的决定？
如果你还在为某件事烦恼的话，那《忘了总比记得好》里的第二章对你，应该会有帮助！

不再追悔

窗外的阳光灿烂，而你的内心却桎梏在一片懊悔的阴郁中。

你自责，要是当初你没那么做，就不会发生这种事。

你懊恼，假如你当时早点发现，也就不会变成这样。

你不断追悔，早知道会这样，你就。。。。。。

[早知道，我就。。。] 当事情发生了，我们总习惯这么说。我们常会叹息过去某个时刻，为什么不做另一个选择，这种想法开始就是个错误。

你想过吗？当你说 [早知道] 的时候，就表示你之前并不知道，对吗？既然是不知道，你嫩怎么样？你能对一件根本不知道的事怎么样？

没有任何事情，能在遇到或知道之前就改变，不是吗？

没有人是不会犯错的，每个人，包括你，我，甚至任何伟人在内，都曾经做出错误的判断，人只有在往回看的时候，才知道自己错了，正可谓 [昨是而今非]。

有迷才有悟，过去的迷，正好是今天悟的契机。所以，何必自责呢？就算你真的有错，那也是你根据自己的经验和知识，在当时做出你觉得最好的决定，这些决定，在当时看来并不是错的。

你实在没有必要为了过去 [还不知道] 的错而痛斥自己，难道错误给你的打击还不够吗？

我们应该停止悔恨的愚行，把精力集中在 [现在我能做什么] ，而不是 [当时我做了什么] ，若能如此，那么你从失败中学到的，将会比从成功中学到的更多。

第一章：玫瑰与刺

2011-02-22T11:31:00.001+08:00

从今天起，我每天都会和大家分享《忘了总比记得好》里的一篇文章。希望会带给读我blog的人一点启发！=）

玫瑰与刺

你喜欢快乐所以选择了它，但就因为你选择要快乐，所以你不断地压抑痛苦，你不断地逃避痛苦，因而把日子过得很不快乐。

以为逃离痛苦就能享有快乐，这真是很大的谬误。如果你一直想逃开痛苦，那你将很难快乐。痛苦与快乐都是人生的一部分，你怎么能只要快乐而不要痛苦呢？事实上，避免了痛苦，也就避开了快乐。

这就好比白天与黑夜。有白天就会有黑夜，它们是同一个存在的两个部分。如果你拒绝了黑夜只要白天，你将是痛苦的，黑夜并不会带来痛苦，是因为你选择了白天而拒绝夜晚，所以痛苦才会产生。因为无论哪一天，在哪个地方，黑夜总是存在的，不是吗？

要记住，黑夜并不是光的对立，对立的本身才是最大的黑暗 - 是你创造了那个黑暗。

你说，这山峰很美，你可以选择山峰而不要山谷吗？你见过只有山峰而没有山谷的山吗？

你说，这朵玫瑰真美，但你不喜欢它身上的刺，然而如果把刺都去掉，这朵玫瑰还会存在吗？

玫瑰与刺，就像快乐与痛苦是不可分的，你不能只选择其一，所以，去接受那些痛苦吧！那么剩下的也就只有快乐了，不是吗？

2011-02-20T12:16:00.001+08:00

不管是不是对的决定，我都不会后悔。。。

再累，也会咬紧牙关撑下去的！

2011-02-17T23:22:00.002+08:00

再坚强的女强人，也会有脆弱的一面，也会有像小女生般对恋爱的憧憬。。

天天微笑并不代表没烦恼。。只是不想把自己的烦恼变成别人的负担。。。

2011-02-13T18:03:00.002+08:00

某人曾经这样问过我：“有么有试过迁就你喜欢的人？”
我说：“有啊。”

某人又说：“可是一直迁就那个人，不会累吗？”
我说：“不会。如果你是真心喜欢那个人，只要是合理的迁就，就不可能会累。”

某人：“那如果是无理的要求呢，你还会迁就吗？”
我：“只要是我所能接受的，我都会迁就。”

某人：“为什么？”
我：“因为，喜欢一个人，就会连带他的优缺点一起喜欢。如果你开始发现及排斥他的缺点，那也就表示你还不够喜欢他，或者你已经不喜欢他了。”

某人：“哦。。。” （似懂非懂）

迁就一个人真的有那么难吗？其实不然。。适当的迁就是包容。。能够包容一个人，是幸福的。。。

2011-02-12T02:04:00.001+08:00

原来我是那么的脆弱。。。还是我太依赖你了，所以才会在最脆弱的时候第一时间想到你？

鄧妙華 - 牽引

2011-02-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

如果我们俩从来不曾相恋
泪水不会占据我的眼
如果你的心还有一点牵挂
不会将我孤独地留下

我不愿回顾因为在记忆深处
思念常刺痛我的心灵
人生旅程充满艰辛和坎坷
我需要你的双手牵引

好怀念这首歌！！以前小时候在爸爸妈妈的店，常常听到那个年代的歌。现在偶尔回味一下，也别有一番风味。。。

新年快乐！

2011-02-07T10:46:00.003+08:00

在这个兔年来临之际，我在此恭祝大家身体健康，阖家欢乐！=）

大年初一到四马路拜拜，在返回的途中，停下看了看兔年里不同生肖的运程。

肖马的：“太阴星是超级桃花星，可是要小心不要跌入勾神和贯_的圈套，否则将面临骗财骗色的下场。(。。。。。) 太阴星也是超级魅力星，可用这一点来谋取一点福利，必能事半功倍。”
*以上是我所能记得最靠近的了。。

我大哥看过了竟然还能笑出来。“看来你的烂桃花回来咯！” -.- 这没什么好开心的好吗。。。

过年的这几天，拜访了很多蛮久没遇到的亲戚。大家看起来都还是老样子；小孩子还是一样地皮。只是，外公外婆看起来好像苍老了许多。动作慢了，思考说话也都慢了；头发变得雪白，皮也好像皱了些。唯一没变的是，他们依然是那么的慈祥，宽容。。。看在眼里，疼在心里。真的好希望时间能够停下来，因为我真的好怕他们有一天会忘记我。最疼我的祖父母，我想我没有办法接收他们忘了我的事实，也没办法接收他们离我而去。。。可能大家会认为说这些都没用，倒不如趁还有机会多珍惜他们还比较实际些。可是这种心里的恐惧是没法撇掉的。。。因为心里很清楚，时间是不可能会停或慢下来，生老病死乃是一种自然循环，谁也没法阻止。。。

在来临的这一年里，好好珍惜自己身边的人。不要等到机会/幸福从指缝溜走了，才懂得惋惜。因为到那时候，一些都已经太迟了。。。

委屈你了

2011-01-28T23:15:00.002+08:00

不知道为什么，可是有点心痛。。。纯粹因为。。委屈你了。。=(

如果当时知道的话，就不会让你帮这么多的忙了。你一定觉得很痛苦吧？明明心里觉得不是滋味，可是为了朋友，宁可自己痛也要帮到底。

你当时的心情，我多多少少可以体会。因为我也走过这段路。。想到这里，真的觉得自己好自私。。

真的。。辛苦你了。。。

2011-01-27T12:24:00.002+08:00

仔细想一想，最后一次在别人面前哭，究竟是多久以前的事了。。是因为真的长大了吗？还是刻意隐瞒自己的脆弱。。。

2011-01-26T23:33:00.001+08:00

觉得自己好失败。。朋友出事了，我竟然没察觉到。。。我这算什么朋友嘛。。好烂。。。。

回来了

2011-01-26T17:33:00.002+08:00

好久不见。。我。。回来了。。

如果问我，为什么会再次回到这里。老实说，我也不知道。就纯粹想要有个能让我抒发情绪的地方吧。

在过去的一年里，确实发生了很多很多事。多到有一些喘不过气来的感觉，快要窒息了。。

好在我周围真的有很多很关心我，在乎我的朋友。在我就快崩溃的时候，付了我一把，给我最大的拥抱，最好的支持。真的很感谢你们哦！^.^

2010-01-31T15:02:00.002+08:00

busy busy!!

went for campcraft camp at cchm on fri..stayed overnight for sentry and training yest...haha spooooooooky sentry ( was supposed to mug but i realised i spent half of my time KO-ed) training went errm quite smooth i'll say...other than some hiccups here and there..oh wells hope they see the significance of teamwork in this competition..jiayou kids~

rushed home after the camp and went for Deston's first month party! =D erm well we were late so we ended up having the 'party' at teck leong sir's house instead...Deston IS SIMPLY ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!! haha omg those round round rosy rosy cheeks!! and the black black eyes..haha da shuai ge! =p haha and i'd proven to be a grand-nanny (ya thanks to cchm instr for giving me this title huh =.=) coz deston is totally mesmerised in my arms! hehe soooooo cuuuuute! he was looking at me with that pair of balck sparkling eyes and his small small mouth opened..oh oh yes i almost fgt..he's really the first baby whom i'd seen with such a thick layer of ultra black hair!! haha in contrast, deston started crying when auntie jiamin carried him..haha auntie jiamin totally looked clueless and helpless when he cried and started kicking frantically...

went out for 'dinner cum supper' at ard 9+...was supposed to eat at the ikea's cafe at first coz boss wanted to buy the photo frame..but it was so crowded that we decided to switch to poppeyes at T3..haha was semi-unconscious towards the later part of supper..hope i din blabber nonsense >.< anw thanks guohui for driving us ard yest!!! pls ve ample slp in future and drive carefully wor..=p

2010-01-25T22:33:00.003+08:00

take back all the well wishes...they are no longer needed i guess...

it really just shows wad a failure i am...maybe i'm really not cut for such things...they never ended with happy endings...

i tot i could trust....i tot i could rely on...i tot i could take off my mask...i tot i could let down my guard...i tot i could tear down the wall surrounding my heart...but i guess i'll just ve to build them back coz i've lost all faith..and i've gotta try to find my way to swim up back to the surface coz i'd simply plunged too deep in..

jasmine lian..u've gotta stop having that kind of false hope and stop fantasizing...people and things on this world are just so realistic and the world won't stop spinning just becoz u've chosen to stop. stop hoping that there's someone for u to rely on coz no one is gonna sacrifice and stop along with u...u ve to be strong becoz no one cares..

i'm such a failure...

2010-01-20T22:07:00.003+08:00

this is the 2nd week into my 2nd sem in nus...

committments are starting to fall in...studies is gonna be quite a bit for me to take this sem coz of all the history readings and textbooks to digest..npcc is equally time-consuming coz of the various events that i'd promised to render help in (let me count...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 as of yet) hopefully i wun be getting any trouble from home...if not i'll really be torn into pieces...

well..still surviving good...but tts not enuff, must strive to excel! yes yes tt will be my motivation (for this sem at least) GANBATTE!!!!!!

*draw draw draw*

2010-01-01T22:20:00.002+08:00

happy new year to all!!! lets embrace 2010~~ =D

busy busy busy end to 2009..was pre-occupied with the sec1 orientation campfire till 31st..ultimate saigang but there were some sense of satisfaction..dar came down to help out on 30th for the campfire, so sorry for neglecting u in anyway k =x but i guess it was an all-new experience for him ba, the colourful fire and fanciful stuns to light the fire..not forgetting the auto & unknowning switch to conversing in mandrin with us =p all in all, the campfire was great, but not the aftermath...area cleaning was completed by 10 peaks (if u get wad i mean) within 2 hours..haha i seriously feel tt my arms are longer after carrying those wooden pellets and concrete slabs..bet boss will agree with me on that..had a prata brunch (is tt considered brunch?!) before continuing with unit meeting...well da jia xin zhi du ming, jiu bu bi shuo le..left sch at 3+ and ate till 4.15 before cabbing home in a rush...

was supposed to meet the others at 5.45 for the movie Avartar, but harry and i were late, probably reached at ard 6.15? haha dun be mistaken!! i'm a punctual person de, just tt we were held back by the previous event..=p mm apparently it turned out to be quite a nice movie, but i really think tt the 3d effect was redundant (it wasnt good at all!) i mean if the effects are really good, the flowers etc should look at though they are within ur reach...but it was quite a disappointment in tt aspect..did tear at a few parts (as expected of jasmine lian, never fails to cry when someone dies or sth evil happens) but tried my best nt to cry..haha it'll be quite stupid to cry with 2 glasses on (yea its kinda irritating to have the 3d glasses over my own pair of glasses) went for a dinner/supper after the 3 hr movie before getting into the crowd and make our way to esplanade park..e 8mins fireworks wasnt fantastic (if u compare to those in other countries like sydney, taiwan etc) but well appreciate it coz its frm the tax payers' pocket =x it was only nice towards the end coz the front portion was rather repetitive..reached home at ard 2 if i din rem wrongly..wearing heels is certainly a nono for such events (well, i din want to, but my flats gave way when i was just setting out a few steps frm my hse) my feet hurt like mad after i removed my heels when i was home...gosh at tt moment, i swore i wasnt gonna wear heels ever again...

had been thinking a lot about some things..questions asked, but not all were answered..guess i'll just have to take things as it goes..

2009-12-19T17:20:00.000+08:00

i could feel my heart racing..hope it'll last =)

2009-12-17T17:00:00.002+08:00

haloha~~~~ finally back from pulau ubin lo!! =D

a fun-filled trip to camp resilience this time round though it was a pity that we din get to do the actual campfire..=(

major activity on the first day was the HOBTCathon whereby i acty brought my atc grp and hollan (how do u acty spell that?!) the first stn was supposed to be at chek jawa but i brought them all the way out to the jetty area >.< sorry guys!! yea so we walked for around 4+ hours (?) and i was kinda affected by the sight of the ruins when we were trying to walk back to the campsite using the old-school route...it looked as though a war had taken place there and the mud floor was acty cracking..really really horrible and heart-broken..din get to slp well that night coz gotta share the tent with 5 other gals..well though most of us are rather small size, but its a 4-man tent u see..so i was practically been sandwiched in the middle and can hardly turn..but well, i'd rather squeeze with the gals then to let them slp in a tent full of ants larh..

2nd day was the TCP (team challange pyramid) and low ropes/maze etc..TCP was really really fulfilling coz the 5 of us pulled thru together, and i'm truly thankful for the other 4 da gor gor and teresa mdm =D if not for them, i might have just given up..the rock wall was really testing my limit and stretching them beyond wad i can manage..ya considering the fact that i ve short hands and legs...a bit hard to reach out far and grab wad i need la huh >.<>.<) i manage to do most of the obstacles with ease and leaped off for the flying fox w/o much hesitation..=D oh speaking of the flying fox, i suffered a big bruise becoz of it!!! as i was approaching the end, a very smart person (i shall not say who) suddenly tugged at the flying line and i went crashing into the landing structure and my right hip bone was not spared..and tt smart person still ve the cheeks to laugh..darnn..

3rd day was all the water activities: kayaking, WCJ and rafting + campfire..nth much for kayaking (except for the part which they made me stand up on the kayak and rayyan kept splashing sea water into my eyes -.-) WCJ was fine coz its my second jump acty, but the height was quite scary to be frank..just trying to act tough in front of others =x gulped a big mouthful of sea water and felt as though i'd reached my year's salt quota le..rafting was a new experience coz we tried a new structure (making a mental note to ask soon hui the outcome of it) went to prepare campfire after that (gotta multi-task by smacking those irritating mozzies) at no man's land BUT it rained just as we were about to set off for the campfire =( wad a pity! but well, i guess it equiped us with the skills to adapt to sudd changes and to always troubleshoot..thank goodness the 'lampfire' went rather well and everyone enjoyed i guess? but soo ps larhx, to act out the mermaid role, had to be super ba2 (hokkien) >.<

lao tian bu zuo mei la...started raining non-stop and our area-cleaning cant go on properly..if not could have gone home earlier..went to tampines mac for lunch after break camp and reached home at ard 2+...totally shag out but cldnt fall aslp..

learnt a lot of things during atc and a lot of new experiences with a grp of fun-loving team mates..=) though there might be some unhappy times, but i believe that the process of working together is still enjoyable. this camp will certainly be one that i'll rem deep in my heart..

tml still needa go back to HTA for one day nrc, hopefully can hear a good news that i'm anticipating...but at the same time, i shall rem wad i'd always told zy that the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment..tt shld be able to cushion the fall just in case la huh..

kinda having a mixed feeling now..mm shall give myself and him more time to think about some things bahx..no hurry, slow and steady ^^

2009-12-12T19:44:00.003+08:00

finally came to the end of the first NRC of HOBTC..

mm it was a brand new experience of coz..but there were still disappointments..oh wells nothing is perfect..

at least one thing worth celebrating for is my score for .38 shooting...highest record 168. acty cld have gotten 170 if they count the shot which landed on the line..generally everyone did well i guess, probably coz of the very good gun...can catch every single first pressure w/o much difficulty..

quite a few things to settle before setting off for ATC..group 1 identity..campfire proposal..pack bag..revise thru campfire songs..try out my gown...gosh i only have a day left to settle all these...hopefully i have enuff time >.<

alrights..shall go back to my grp identity..

2009-12-02T22:40:00.002+08:00

fine fine fine..why do u always have to assume that i know??

and for goodness sake! i am NOT your boxing bag..dun u dare vent ur anger/frustration or wadever it is on me..

ok perfect end to my wonderful day...pissed

went for shopping tdy with mom and aunt in the morning at tamp..then zy came over to find me and went over to bugis to shop instead..found a very nice dress (but its 70+++ sia...so exp >.<) but bu she de mai...so settled for a 30+ de instead...bought a $63 long-sleeve shirt for daddy, $17 shawl and $13 munchies for mommy, $22 on booties, $20 on trackpants...mm yup and the bedsheet (yaya i know i kept mixing it up with mattress so stop luffing the 2 of u -.-) went home with 2 big BHG plastic bags and one of it has a lot more small small plastic bags...perfect shopping spree tdy (ya if i ignore certain things that might totally ruin my day)

gonna be another outing tml with ws, phy and hy...but i think hy cant make it =( wanted to pass her the long-belated bday present (hehe i'm finally done with it =D) ohoh and i got the gals christ presents frm candy empire when i had 'lunch' with other peeps yest at changi airport terminal 3...

course is gonna start next week, so better enjoy myself to the fullest this week..

2009-11-26T11:49:00.002+08:00

'Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk.'
'Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt'
"Because of you, I tried my hardest just to forget everything'
'Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in'

my favourite part of the favourite song..how true..

mug like i've never mugged...who was the idiot who told me uni is so much slacker than JC, and that As will be the last exam that i'll have to mug so hard for? pile of nonsense..

1102 is a goner..mcqs kill and clueless when it comes to structured..ec1301 aint much better since i'm more used to writing econs essays rather than choosing 1 out of 5 (perfect, totally lower my chance of getting right frm 25% to only 20%)..cm1417 and lsm 1101 ahead...hopefully 1417 wun be a disappointment and 1101 is well done enuff to pull up the grades...

life wld probably be easier w/o the concern of 3.5...but well, it was the path i chose and i shall walk down it bravely..

i foresee my schedule to be fully packed after exams..poof! there goes my dec hols..and will be busy preparing for the wedding..nono not mine, but my bro's...dun even dare to think when it'll be my turn...

right..lets update the schedule a little..
1st dec (after paper): so gonna leave the day for myself to have a peaceful and quiet time at the beach
2nd dec: shopping with zy (and maybe mom), shop for wedding gift, beach road army market maybe?
3rd dec: family gathering with shan, xiao gua and xiao xiao gua
4th: some quality time for myself before going for wedding, supper after that perhaps
5th: outing with chiaz, jes and jabez; probably another outing with ncos
6th: better prepare my stuff for the course
7-21st: HOBTC, and maybe the trying out of gown on the 13th
22nd onwards: still a lot of uncertainties, perhaps have to kick start the preparation for bro's wedding, RSVP and stuff

busy busy busy...really gotta find some time for myself and some of my frens whom i might have neglected due to the hectic life (apologies frens! >.<)

watched twilight recently...erm some of the vampies inside doesnt really live up to my impression of them...suppose to be gorgeous, 'tasty' and wad not since old vampy will only choose to feed on those good-looking ones, generating a new pretty pretty vampy..(yea selective mating if u want to put it in the population genetics sense) but well it turned out the other way round o.O dun think i'll be watching new moon, saw the trailer as well as part of the movie been uploaded online, erm dun really look appealing esp when ed is seriously ugly with un-toned body and bella's all tt i-totally-give-up-my-life-without-ed-ard attitude..jacob's no much better either =x

almost 7 years, but certainly not going (if u get wad i mean, since ppl always say e.g 7 years and going) Perhaps its really time to put a stop to it. Presence shall not be taken for granted of, and no such thing as appearing anymore. Maybe I should start leading a life that I'd really wanted, no longer revolving around you guys. Appreciation and recognition was all that I'd needed, but none was given. There's no point, and I shan't waste my time anymore 'cause I don't really have that many 7 years to give. Soon I'll be 20 (if you just look at the year and ignore the month) and ought to be responsible for myself. Stop wasting time on things that will never happen, or on people who will never understand. Gonna move on...after 2009...I promise.

2009-11-13T23:41:00.002+08:00

went to watch 2012 today with shiyun after the phys test..its totally wow and superb..great catch and must watch!

real hectic life recently...finally ended 1 proj last fri, 1 term paper this tues, a test on wed and today...and next sat marks the start of my final exams! gosh time doesnt fly in uni...it rockets >.<

anw back to 2012..we watched it at plaza sing, tot it was chao hua suan coz today is the last day for student price ($6.50) with complementary popcorn..(in the end vivo had a much better deal -.-) although i'm still trying to figure out the phys portion at the start of the movie (sth to do with the sun that sudd erupts rapidly thus emitting some photon/proton thingy, then resulting in crust displacement and pole reversal etc) but overall the movie was great with wonderful graphics and nice storyline..it balances out the nice and evil sides of mankind throughout the movie and no doubt it was a movie tt sets ur adrenaline gushing..haha shiyun and i were constantly in the jing3 ji2 zhuang4 tai4 and the moment our water taps unleashed, there's no way to stop it =x the guys to my right were luffing away and according to shiyun, the 2 aunties beside werent crying either...makes me wonder why the 2 of us were sobbing away =/ ( even when no one was able to die...the simple scene of water gushing in or ground breaking apart can trigger our tears..tts how good the graphics is)
there's quite a lot of jing1 dian3 scenes in the movie..some that makes u luff, some tt makes u curse and swear while some simply makes u cry..

this is really a movie worth watching..but for ladies, pls do rem to bring a packet of tissue paper along..=p

hectic week ahead...gonna start camping in bedok library le =s

2009-10-31T23:17:00.002+08:00

just a few questions:

1. Excuses or reasons? Is it just something to make you feel less guilty...or just something to help you escape from the reality...ask ur conscience...
2. Ready or not ready?
3. Much effort or no effort? it isnt about wonderful performance..its about the amt of effort shown to bring out ur own best potential...
4. Remorseful or cant be bothered?
5. Reflection or hatred?
men xin zi wen...

wad have we done wrong? i'm really totally clueless...absolutely...the framework? the attitude? the techniques? the communication? or are we simply lost in the youngsters' world? seems like we really cant take things for granted; what seems to be li suo dang ran in the past may not be so nowadays..are we answerable for such phenomenon?

are we not needed and redundant? will it be better off w/o us? if tts the case i'll be more than happy to leave...

angry? no....disappointed? no...its gek xim...it is heartbreaking to know that things are not turning out in the way that u'd been expecting...and its heartbreaking to see that things are not reciprocal...when others misunderstood ur good will for something else and repays u with hatred, utter displeasure and wad not...

enuff said...enuff mentioned...if some ppl simply prefer to indulge in self-denial, be my guest...i probably cant be bothered with it anymore...

2009-10-17T17:13:00.004+08:00

pissed off to the max...i cant imagine someone just took my lab report, change my name to his and submit the report as his!!!! basket...

the guy who took my report was acty my first lab partner...din thought of him as such a person acty...but wad he did really disgust me...totally..

he claimed that he had no time to do his report (EXCUSES!!!) so he asked his female lab mate for her copy..duno wad went wrong in the process the lab mate ended up giving him mine report..so he happily deleted the names at the last page and insert his, print and submit to the TA my report...let me repeat...MY REPORT....

we were so shocked when we saw the exact same lab report lying in front of us yest when our reports were given back to us..at first i was still wondering how come jinghan submitted 2 copies of our report in different fonts (one in calibri and one in arial) until i flipped to the last page and saw that one of them has the name of tt guy...totally stunned and shocked...no words could come out of my mouth at that point of time..

and our very smart TA happily marked both copied without realising that they were the same and gave the exact same comments...how 'smart' right...so we went to ask her what went wrong in between and apparently she seem to be shocked on her side as well..wonderfulll reaction -.- she appeared to be slightly pissed and claimed that she'll ask him about it...but i seriously doubt her words (how to believe in someone who gives back the first 3 lab reports when the test is over and its the last pract??!?!)

couldnt bear the curiousity and rage, so i sms him just now to ask about things....zero guilt and totally dun see the fault in him...perfect...
'anyways it is not graded'
'anything serious happened?'
'haha...wat happened?'
omg u totally pluck my report and submit it under ur name and u dun see any fault in it?!?!!?! wake up your idea pls.

pissed to the max...let me emphasise....PISSED!

2009-10-01T01:09:00.002+08:00

jasmine is finally 19years old..

haha as compared to the one last year, this year's bdae is slightly more peaceful and low-profile...at least dun ve the super big heart-shape with unglam photos of me on it hor hor hor laogong =p

so yup..a super cute bear frm jenna and PJ..erm a ms happy soft huggy thingy frm my aunt...and a treat to dinner + surprise cake frm HK..haha bigbig thank you to all these ppl and not forgeting those who sent their well wishes =)

well its rather special this year coz my chinese and english bdae acty falls on the same day..so haha those who believes in 4-D can go buy 1230 ya =p

2009-09-27T20:34:00.002+08:00

aloha~

the entire recess week zoomed past just lidat..haix nothing constructive to my studies >.<

went for HO induction yest and had a crazy day at sentosa...=p

erm yup happened to have 2 rather hyper snrs in my team with 3 other freshies..erm started losing frm the first game so not really a very good sign la huh...only managed to win one of the games when all of us sacrificed by storing sea water in our mouths >.<
yup so the consequence of being the 4th but not the last team, was to be provide the other 3 teams with the PRIVILEGE to bury us under the sand up till the NECK...so yaaaaa kena buried lor...
haha but all in all, its FUN!! really got to know a lot of ppl and forge new frenships...so i guess hobtc shld be quite enjoyable ba with so many frens =)

2009-09-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

went back to hta to help out for quiz comp today...gosh haven been there for 2 years? and tdy i turned out to be the oldest CI there >.< for once, i'm a laojiao...=x

erm to be very frank, the performance of the brand new CIs werent very pleasing...ok perhaps i'm no one to judge them..but the way they behave in public and how they hold themselves as a CI is rather disappointing..imagine if you see a group of CIs in public wearing the CI crest-tee spouting vulgarities,using crude words...wad will you think of them? or rather, wad will u think about NPCC as a whole? perhaps the most common ans will be that the NPCC standard is going down the drain becoz we have such CIs...started to wonder wad acty went wrong in cibtc...mmmmmmm

well who says tt cadets nowadays are getting worse?? i find my first 2 shifts de cadets totally adorable pls..its a matter of how you communicate with them and how far are you willing to reach out to them..it was the first time i got into contact with them, but the conversation was simply wonderful..esp when i'd only interacted with them for less than 30mins to be exact and yet they can be all smiles when they bid goodbye, with thanks coming one after another...now i do believe that it takes 2 hands to clap..

one of the cadets was really cute...she acty asked me if i'd polished my own boots -.-' haha so i asked her who else but myself..then the next qns was how did i manage to make it shine lidat, wad did i use to polish my boots...haha come to think of it now, my ans was really quite idiotic..."kiwi and water lo" =x but its the truth!!! then i went ard the classroom to take a look at their boots, quite saddening if you know wad i mean...poor cadets with no instructors/seniors to teach them how to polish their boots...come to think of it, have i really put in effort in teaching my cadets how to polish their boots when all we know is to demand to see a pair of shiny boots by the next activity..things that might seem to be common sense/logic/knowledge at our time may not be that case now..so qns is, have we been doing the right things?

everything ended at ard close to 2..went to lot 1 with michelle, lianyu and others for lunch..haha surprisingly, we met MJ at the foodcourt upstairs..haha he haven changed a bit (ok except for the botak head =p) still as boyboy-ish as the last time i saw him..well maybe i haven changed after so long as well =/ went for a movie '9' at 4 with the same group of ppl...haha here's the interesting part:
9 ppl went to watch the movie '9' at the price of $9 per tic
wads more interesting is 6 out of 9 started dozing off and falling aslp half-way thru the movie (or maybe lesser than half-way =x) apparently only me, wanling and FI stamford (is this the correct spelling?? mmmm..) stayed awake thruout, but quite sad for stamford sir la huh...wanling and i totally enjoyed the movie, the other 6 who dozed off did manage to catch some main pts abt the movie at the end..BUT the poor stamford sir who stayed awake thruout totally catch no ball XD
but oh wells, it was all fun and laughters...seriously haven had such a good time for a damn long time...

2009-09-08T21:50:00.003+08:00

not recognised...not appreciated...tts how jasmine's always been treated...
xi guan jiu hao...

zao gao...my immune system is getting lousy..fever, sorethroat, flu, gastric all looking up for me...tiann ahhhhhhh..and the stupid gastric had been giving me a lot of problem recently..

2009-09-07T18:57:00.002+08:00

omg jasmine lian is so so stupid...she'd done nothing bt stupid things for the past 18 years..wad a waste of life...

y did i rush out of home in the midst of studying? y did i ran around looking for that shop? why did i cross the road like it has no cars? why did i sit down there for half-an-hour in the breeze and ended up sneezing non-stop right now? why did i choose to walk away and hide in my hermit shell?!?!?! damn..

u wanted to know why i'd turned up there?

i tot u'd be upset...i tot u needed a shoulder or a pair of listening ears...i tot u needed warmth...

i guess i was wrong...

i tot i'd learnt smart...i tot i'd let go...i tot i'd no more tears left...

i guess i was wrong for the 2nd time...

bu shi sheng qi...bu shi shi wang...shi xin tong...

2009-09-07T15:53:00.000+08:00

ok its all over...be it right or wrong, its all over...(ok AAR excluded)

nt gonna blog abt the comp itself..bt just some thoughts after the comp..

just some questions over here...not directed to anyone bt just some food for thought.

if something goes wrong, will you:
(a) flare and get the person in-charge of it to settle the problem
(b) get it done yourself and let the person-in-charge know about it after that

if something goes wrong, will you:
(a) brood over it
(b) make the best out of it

if you'd alr trying the best to put in effort,will you:
(a) recognise the effort put in
(b) harp on the mistakes

duno..its just all random thoughts that had been running thru my mind for the past few days...

its the first time i felt so tired...its the first time i felt tt my heart stopped and died...guess there's no turning back...

2009-08-31T00:48:00.002+08:00

yes...5 more days..and its all over..

i just cant wait for that day to arrive...bt at the same time...i hope that this 5 days can be slightly longer...ironic rite?

5th sep will be the day of freedom...to be frank its becoming a form of burden to me...so i cant wait to let it off my shoulder...coz i cannot afford to risk my studies...take note, its CANNOT AFFORD ($186 000)

Not to say readings or pre-readings...i din even have time for my tutorials...so wad cant be worse than that?

ya perhaps i need a lect on time management, temper management etc...my fiery temper is worsening for goodness know why...i get irritated more easily and often feels turned off =x the reluctance to do work is the worst...tian ahhh

i so feel like i'm a pao tui...nvm if you dun get it...

jasmine can hardly feel her brain functioning..her heart beating...and her eyes opened..she needs to re-charge battery...

2009-08-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

ru guo lei le..ni hai hui xuan ze zou xia qu ma?

yin wei yan juan, suo yi xiang fang qi..
que yin wei bu gan xin, suo yi jue ding ji xu zou xia qu..

zhe yang zuo..shi dui de ma?

2009-08-13T22:55:00.002+08:00

yep uni life had started...here comes a new phase of my life..

its a total different lvl of education when u reach university. no one will never nag at you again. no one bothers if you fall asleep during lectures (well unless if you have a super good buddy who doesnt fall asleep along with you =x) no one cares if you turn up for ur lectures or tutorials. at the end of the day, you reap what you sow. that is the only thing that matters.

its high time to be independent, disciplined yet motivated. its time to learn self-control and priortisation. its time to grow.

there's a lot of things to keep me occupied. and i mean really occupied. got to keep up with the good habit of pre-reading for every single lecture, start doing tutorials once uploaded. have to try to get more school to participate. got to lead those kids into preparing the competition. got to start making new friends and catch up with the old ones. got to put my heart and soul into all the different areas. anyone has any solution as to how to split jasmine up into different selfs so that i can juggle so many different things at the same time? i used to tell people that everything has got its time, but looks like now i can't really find enough time to settle everything. (PS its only the start of the term, more to come)

when everything comes pouring at you (and you've got no one to share the load with. just be thankful that they dont add on to your load) you will just feel like throwing everything off your shoulders and walk away. of course i know that its definitely not the right attitude, but i just cant help feeling that way ya. maybe i should really just leave some things behind once i've done my part and its time for others to do theirs. maybe i really should...

2009-08-09T12:59:00.002+08:00

how will u feel when u're been scolded for things that u've not done?? or scolded for little things that doesnt seem to be impt? to be totally ignored after that?

i'm starting to wonder if its a mistake to not stay in the hostel..maybe my worries were for nothing...my initial thought of them being bored when i'm nt around is apparently wrong...perhaps they'll lead a better life w/o having me around ya..at least no one for them to kan bu shun ya...

why isit tt ppl only rem the bad and not the good...why isit tt ppl always like to fan jiu zhang instead of looking at the present...why isit tt ppl always dun learn to appreciate the good in u...

wo dao di na li bi bu shang na?!?!?! l1r5 9pts not enuff?? 3As not enuff? scholarship not enuff???? bang ni zuo jia wu hai bu gou ma?? then wad isit tt u want??? try looking for a daughter who is willing to iron 3-hrs of clothes for u..try looking for a daughter who is willing to go out with u for shopping for the entire day when she's having high fever and a bad cold..

ok i'm just ranting over here...damn pissed and gek xim..

zhong yu xue hui ru he fang xia

2009-07-23T14:14:00.002+08:00

went to sentosa with kurt on tues..really had a great time!! had a little pinic so all of us brought food and drinks along..oh man my jiu liang bian cha le..only 1/3 cup of vodka and my face turned red..>.< ok la it was a 40% vodka..haha so nt tt lousy afterall..
mm we started on frisbee after lunch, but of coz, with an ultimate motive behind it..wahaha we kept 'drifting' towards the sea in name of 'spreading out', ya hoping to get shan closer and closer to the waters so tt the guys can throw her in...sry shan!! =p so yea they did drag her into the sea in the end..i chose to guai guai walk in on my own (haha better than been thrown in right) and managed to drag a few 'dry ones' in and join us..=D
i stupidly suggested the buoyancy test when none of us have any floatation device >.< ya so in the end i was kinda being pressed down into the water and had a leg cramp...hehe clinged on kaixin and she ended up with leg cramp too! =p
finally got out of the sea and played beach volley..oh man, most of my nice shots were accompanied by 'ouches'..damn pain!! =x bt it was kinda bad coz none of us seem to be pros except for 3 other guys..wahahaa the game was totally going no where esp when i'm paired up with poh!! omg the 2 of us are totally on different frequency..its either he was too slow in telling me tt he's passing the ball to me, or i'm too slow in sensing/predicting his intended action..but well, all in all it was fun still! =)
went to 'wash up' aftertt and back to the game of daidee!! haha had my worst defeat tt day..only managed to throw out 2 cards..the pathetic 2 cards nia..oh man..i wonder if sx is really tt good in daidee or isit tt he has got super good luck...mmm..
went home at ard 6+ and only realised tt i'd turned into a steamed lobster >.< my entire back was RED..tian ah..and i can feel the latent heat trying to escape..

zhang da le..ye jian jian liao jie le hen duo shi..qiang chai de gua bu tian..qiang qiu lai de shi ye bu hui wan mei..
zhong ke yi da sheng shuo "wo zhong yu fang xia le!" sui ran bu rong yi, su rang hua le hen duo shi jian, dan shi wo zhong yu zuo dao le..zhe cai fa xian dao yao fang xia yi ge ren qi shi bing bu nan..que xu yao hen da de yong qi qu mian dui, qu shi ying...

xin li bu zai you ge ta..jiu rang ta zan shi kong zhe ba..bu ji yu tian man ta, shi ying wei wo hai xu yao yi dian shi jian, chong shi xing xin..

2009-07-19T17:10:00.005+08:00

hmm friday was my last day in AIA le..chao ji she bu de..but no worries, i'll go back often and lunch with u guys yea =D

mm vivi and i treated the whole brokers team, chris, linas and zhantu to kfc lunch on wed since the 2 of us were leaving..erm but it kinda turned out to be a disaster..>.< evil ="p)">.< but well all was worth it when i saw their smiles and expressions on friday morning aft i'd distributed to them..(some even thought i bought those cookies XD)

i felt so touched tt day larh..i mean i din expect them to be so close to me and to even give me presents on my last day..in the end, surprises came after one another and i seriously love them so much..i shall go back and look for them for lunch more often!!!

maybe tt statement is true..one will only know the importance of something when he/she loses it..well i'd been thinking of leaving the company when i felt tt my work starts to get routine..bt hey, now that i'm leaving, i really cant bear to leave everything behind just like that..there are ppl whom i enjoy being tgt with..there are ppl whom i can really talk to..there are ppl who will tease me and totally brighten up my day..there are ppl who don't leave memories for me, bt to create memories with me...

the wonderful ppl in the brokers' team who had walked with me for the past 6 months, thank you for all the guidance and patience..

to pauline - thank you for getting me into the brokers' team and taught me everything starting from the basics..u're ever so forgiving to my mistakes and blur acts >.<

to huiling - thank you for your patience!!!! haha i know i'm nt a good student certainly (esp when i first started off with ghs) =p but u'd never scolded me or raise ur voice..not even once...and apparently quite a number of documents went missing from the files for no apparent reasons, i'd never seen any reproachful expression on ur face..

to jenny - thanks for those small talks and help tt u'd offered to me throughout the 6mths (though u tot i'd only worked for 2mths >.<)

to chin chong - haha doctor evil!! thx for all the white chips cookies frm subway ya!! apologies for those mistakes committed when i was doing those cisco claims..haha they must have flooded ur mailbox and exploded ur phone ba =x

to steffie - haha initially i tot u're a super fierce lady when u first taught me how to handle leggmason and manpower cases...haha bt then i slowly realised tt u're acty quite a fun and interesting person!! at least u're the fastest person among all my frens to have ur entire face red XD no offense ya...=)

to vivi - hey nurse!! haha must entertain the doctor evil when i'm nt ard k? n rem to feed him 'medicine' frm 2pm-5pm =p now tt i'm gone..no one will be there for u to tease and laugh at le wor..must self-entertain when u're feeling slpy ya! haha always rem the stupid actions which i'd taught you (rem the hands and legs coordination!!)

to gladys - no one to do coding for u in future le ya..haha so must get neater le!! if nt more docs will be gone missing =x must let me know when the baby is born k? haha best if is on the same date as my bdae =D

to stella - for the last time..i'm jasmine LIAN not jasmine LOW..haha next time no one to be cheeky with u le when vivi is gone as well..u'll miss me rite??? =p and no one for u to push the blame to when ur PC gets laggy or when the printer doesnt wants to print ur docs XD

to paul - haha mr gentleman..i eat cup noodles during lunch not solely coz i wanna save money, bt i'm seriously tired of thinking of wad to buy mahx...thx for being so patient when u were teaching me mercer stuff ya...so sry tt i din really live up to ur expectations though for nt being able to master mercer >.<

i'll certainly miss u guyss....

2009-07-16T11:56:00.003+08:00

some updates for the past few days..

went out with my dearest kurt members for dinner last friday..mm went to clarke quay manhattan fish market..its not the full strength though, all turned up except for yuru, diana and shaoxun. jem and liz left earlier too. but it was a rather fun session catching up with one another, not forgetting those dagger eyes staring at us (we occupied 10seats at the dinner peak hour =x) yea poh shen was so stress settling the bill while the rest of us abandoned him and ran out of the restaurant XD

some suggested to go mind's cafe but we ended up walking to merlion park. haha now then i realised how near my workplace is to clark quay. mm walked along those pubs, dun really like it due to the crazy ppl and smoky air...haha bad air pollution. =x took lots of photos along the way, will upload it when i have the time next week ya >.<

finally landed our butts at esplanade and had a great talk..planned our next outing as well (coming tues, 11am harbourfront mrt ppl!) we were so engrossed in the talk till we totally fgt abt time. adjourned at ard 11..till then guys!

mm i'd decided to end work by this week...well since i'll be gone on mon, tues and fri nxt week..then might as well right?? mm..it wasnt an easy decision to make though..after been tgt with those wonderful colleagues for half a year..its really kinda hard to bid farewell..hopefully i wun burst in tears on my last day >.<

The Wonderful Journey of 13 Kurt-ers

2009-07-03T21:04:00.002+08:00

Yeah I'm back from OBS!! Alright, am not very happy about it though. 4 days zoom past just like that!! But I guess its all the fun we had that counts.

Went to OBS on Tues, thinking that I only know a few people and I'm gonna be the lonely soul floating around. At the same time, I was rather stereotypic as I actually have a mental image of people whom I'm gonna spend time with. You know, typical scholars. =x

Met Brian in the morning and went down to Punggol Jetty together. Was so grateful that I wasn't the only one who does not have the OBS form. Went into the OBS knowing a few people already, kinda glad for it. There were some dilly-dally here and there, so we sat under the Sun till the Insts finally got our groupings done in the most traditional way at ard 10am.

Started off with key-punch and the Zoom game which werent strangers to me at all (considering that i conduct these games to my cadets back in school -.-) went on with high ropes in the afternoon. All of us were busy packing our bag-packs at night, for the land expedition the next day. Gosh, I din know that 13 people can finish so much food!! and my bag is rather heavy coz of the pot and cans.

So we set off the next morning after learning all the basic stuff about orienteering. My group Inst literally asked me to shut up cause I was answering most of the questions he asked =x Yep so I lead the team along with Pei Yee and Yuting to the forbidden grounds of OBS and eventually out of it before we switch leaders. We went to a place whereby our Inst named it as the Shopping Centre, probably becoz there were many kinds of fruits grown there. Oh but before that, we actually went to another place and had our 'detour' thats why Brian's team waited for so long XD Pei Yee, Yuru, Shan and I were talking to the auntie who owns the 'shopping centre' during lunch time. She is such a brave woman, living on that big piece of land all along with only 2 dogs. Being an urban-liver, I really can't imagine how the auntie actually stayed there for decades with no form of entertainment other than her dogs. Really admire her..

We set off to puaka hill after that and I lead them up the hill to the top storey. The view was fabulous man, especially when the Sun shines down on the quarry and the water literally GLITTERS. It was so tempting for me to jump down into it at that point of time. Almost everyone was awed by the view and couldn't bear to go down. We soon left the hill and proceed to our camp-over ground which was the Jelutong Campsite. Haha not something alien to me too. So we went there, settled down, had some briefing and 'lights out'. Don't know why but I just cant seem to fall asleep before my sentry duty at 12.40am. Perhaps it was too stuffy in the tent bah. Went out for sentry duty till 1.15am when other team members took over, and went back to sleep. It was better this time round, got to sleep a little but woke up countless of times as well.

Third day was the sea expedition. Didn't volunteer myself this time round, was hoping to give others a chance as well as to not 'bring shit' to the entire cohort. Just to refresh you guys memories, the previous 2 times when I was the Sea-ex leader, it stormed for that 2 times. Yea so was wondering if I'm the suay one or what. Our macho man, Poh Shen, 'volunteer after much reluctance' to be the leader along with other 4 from different watches. We did a round of morning blessing before we set off. Apparently, 67 BLESSINGS couldnt fight with that ONE Blessing from our Inst. 'Cause whatever that he wished for (bad weather, low-tide swamp and storm) all came true and all ours couldnt win his. Yep so we had to waddle through the muddy swamp and brave the chompy sea + fierce storm. I have to say that this adds a new episode to my life. I mean how many people will actually get a chance to push your tri-yak through the swamp (over 100m??) with both your legs stuck in the knee-deep mud and entirely body covered with grey mud?? all 67 of us looked the same when we got out of the swamp, coz we all have the same colour >.< so after the swamp we finally embark on our return journey to OBS. well, I did sense the change in weather the moment we exit from the swamp but I din want to scare anyone, especially those who'd not tried kayaking before. So just as what I'd predicted, the storm came not long after we left the river and it was a fierce one. all of us had to retreat back to the river, while those who din make it in time had to seek shelter at a nearby shore. We set off again when the weather turned better, but I was so PISSED with the guy in front of me!! wah seriously a big slacker who knows nuts about kayaking yet complain so much about others. I bet Jeysthur would agree with me, boths hands and legs up!! Seriously no shame on sia!! I mean if the person sitting behide you is not someone whom u're very familiar with, will you lean backwards and comfortably lie down on tt person?!?!?!?! It was so irritating that I purposely knocked him with the shaft when i paddle, and splashed sea water on him. And he din just do it once, that was really bad. So being the only person who knows kayaking better, I had to force out every single bit of energy and transport the 3 of us back. Grrrr, irritated.

Went back, did some cleaning up, dinner, short debrief and went off to bed. next day was mainly on area cleaning, lots of sharing and the leap of faith (which i failed >.<) before we break camp.

frankly speaking, I'm really grateful for this group inst of ours - LJ!!! he's really the nicest one I've ever seen. no inst packs the store with the watch, but he did. No inst will be able to get so close to us, to the extent of patting our heads, but he did. No inst had inspired me that much, or trigger so much thoughts in me, but he did. This is the first OBS which made me teared during the last round of sharing. This is the first OBS which gave me the most wonderful memories of all - not because of the things we do, but because of the people who went through it with me throughout this 4D3N. Everything is all worthwhile. Though there were countless mozzie bites, cuts, lacerations and blue-blacks all over me, but I'll never regret going for this beautiful camp with the other 12team mates and 1 Instructor who forms up the perfect Kurt..

The Roll of Honour: (in no order of merit)
Instructor of Kurt - LJ
Members of Kurt
- Kaixin
- Diana
- Pei Yee
- Yuting
- Yuru
- Jemima
- Wei Shan
- Elizabeth
- Poh Shen
- Shao Xun
- Din
- Jeysthur
- ME

*A round of applause to all these wonderful people who helped build up the beautiful memories of the camp. It wouldn't have been possible without any one of you guys. A big big thank you! ^^

lightning with the big warm sun

2009-06-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

even wonder how it feels like to be struck by lightning when u were acty enjoying the nice warmth from the sun?? its horrendous...

tt was practically how i'd started my day, my week...my 'wonderful' Monday...enuff said..

i wonder if it was accidental or delibrate...i really have no idea..

how exactly am i supposed to feel??

tt pulled me back to reality...

tt thing isnt mine to start with afterall....

its time to let go before everyone gets hurt...

i know i know..all these sentences may not make sense to you guys...bt its just a series of thoughts tt came to me throughout the day...doesnt matter if u can understand..its abstract..

maybe its time to move on...

2009-06-19T21:53:00.003+08:00

hi all...its been a long time...

was really busy with np stuff recently...first was the atc camp which went rather well i'd say (though there were some sudden changes to some plans)...was quite impressed with the vs cadets in fact...shant elaborate much...
next was the lmsc course...i realised being complacent when one is doing certain thing for the 2nd time, is a common mistake for most ppl..well at the very least i feel tt i'm guilty of tt...=x 2nd time giving the teamwork lect bt i dun really feel tt there was any improvement as compared to the last one...oh wells..but i was really being an angel to my grp's cadets (nt that any of the insts were being devilish)
the last was the CLTC camp...taxing but fulfilling for me...though i wldnt say tt i'd manage to mould anyone into a leader..bt i must say tt i'd gotten to know some of them better...well, i believe they can do much better than wad they're doing now...its nt really abt me setting a standard for them to achieve, but more of tt i can see the potential in them to work tgt in reacher greater heights...haha so much said, bt at the end of the day its still up to them to seek their own path...

haven been able to sit down and have my own personal time till the last wed..was thinking thru a lot of things and taking stock of my life....
maybe its time for me to move on...wads the pt of harping on sth tt isnt possible rite? zhi zhuo le zhe me jiu, huo xu shi shi hou gai fang shou le..maybe it'll be better for everyone...just let me dwell in it till i start my uni life....till then.....

2009-05-25T22:30:00.003+08:00

Went out with jiamin last wednesday to make up for her birthday on tues...haha late huh jiamin..need to chg ur habit le wor =p anw we met at PS and dinner was on me at cafe cartel..mmm we had a long chat i guess, coz the waiter kept refilling our cups =x went to walk walk ard PS and promised to bring jm out to far east one day during june to get her shoes she wants...=)

Received the notification letter frm moe wrt to the scholarship le..still, not much 'joy' frm my family..well who cares.....

this weekend will be burnt by ATC, next weekend by LMSC and the following one by CLTC...haha wow busy busy busy~

supposed to meet tt hanrui for dinner or wadsoever tonight de..haha bt i guess he's too busy keeping himself by HER side so totally fgt abt me lo =p haha its ok da ren bu ji XIAO REN guo yaaaa....XD

dear farina is leaving office this fri le...sadded...no more lunch mate and someone to ka-jiao when i'm on my way to the toilet >.<

tts tt..

2009-05-12T22:42:00.002+08:00

scholar...so what?

i was informed this morning that i'd been awarded the moe teaching scholarship..farina was the first to know of it..followed by my bro and parents..

he merely said congrats...thats how unfeeling my bro can get..

my parents cant sms..so i din expect them to reply/call..

when i got on my parents' car after work..no interest was placed on my moe scholarship...my mom simply harped on the qns why din i manage to get thru the spf scholarship despite trying twice....is that supposed to be the main topic??? i dun understand...

no one in my family spoke another word abt the scholarship...ZERO....wad was tt supposed to mean?

my parents wanted me to follow my bro's footsteps into becoming a teacher..of coz personally i do have the interest and passion..bt this is wad they want isnt it?

they'd always been telling me how great my bro is..in pulling thru Os, As and uni w/o having them to worry much..i tried so hard and i did surpass..although Os was the same performance, bt i certainly did much better in As and i clinched a SCHOLARSHIP with my own capability!!! why cant they just PRAISE ME?!?!? does it kill to say well done?? or just a simple smile of approval???

i didnt know tt wad i'd been working on, is acty so insignificant and meaningless in their eyes...how disgusting can this reality get??

i worked so hard...not just the process...bt in the end..i'm still not happyyyy......

A Trip to Pulau Ubin!!! =)

2009-04-12T11:07:00.014+08:00

Hi all!! Tt was a long weekend wor...haha phy and i went to pulau ubin on good friday all becoz of my sudden urge..=p shall let the photos do the job ya!

Haha this is how scary the queue at changi jetty was...went to ubin so many times, this is the first time i see such a crowd sia!!phy and i on the bum-boat..haha the 2 of us are like 'sua-gu' lidat...freaking excited though its not our first time to ubin...yep the amt of ppl roamin at ubin is scary too!! this time rd the mosquitoes can have their full meals...(slurp!)haha the 'bua-gia-si' phy is super exposephy and i at the entrance of PULAU UBIN!!! =Dtaken at the sensory trail..make a guess wad is this tree??This is the fruits of the tree...any idea???TA-DA!! haha the ans is Lipstick Tree~~~~ok..now try guessing wad tree is this....have you got it?? haha its the coffee tree!!!haha this is rather obvious la huh..jackfruit tree...this was taken before we went into the trail..this place acty used to be a small bakery shop opened by a family (fgt frm germany or england le =x)....haha throughout the entire trip..there were a lot of times whereby i zoom-in to take photos of sceneries bt fgt to zoom-out when taking photos of ourselves..which resulted in such BIG-FACED photos =pthis is the quarry which we saw when we were on our way to the german girl shrine

haha the 2 of us in front of tt quarry...ok i decided tt the ranger hat made me too ugly...XDthat was how bad the flood was.....haha and of coz..not to fgt, phy's beautiful legs =Pthis is the german girl's shrine which is located all the way at the west of pulau ubin..mm long history behind it..there is acty a write-up available at that place itself..mm the shrine looks quite well-maintained larhx..so nxt time when u go to ubin can go explore this place ya! =Dafter we came out frm the german girl's shrine, we just went up this rocky slope, thinking that it'll lead us to some main path....bt it turned out to be.....THE BIKE PARK!!! haha the 2 of us were struggling to cycle up those super steep slopes larhx..and phy looked so pissed when she cant chiong up the slope to the extent that a cyclist even stopped to ask her if she was alright =p

we tried to go as high as we can larhx..and we were awarded with this beautiful scenery...really really wonderful...pls dun mistaken this as a quarry ya...those who'd tried kayaking around pulau ubin shld know tt this is acty the sea le la huh..=pthat was with the sea as our background...and tt was how much we were left to the top of the park..Yep..so we only knew tt was the bike park when we exit from the entrance >.oh tts the entrace to the puaka hill (which means huanted hill in malay)...err bt we din really manage to reach the top larhx..apparently it seems like its been very long ever since someone walked tt trail le..coz we can only reach the 1st floor...the path leading to the 2nd floor is super dense larhx..so we didn't want to risk it..well..we were intending to head to chek jawa after puaka hill de..bt apparently lau tian ye bu zuo mei la..started raining..nono maybe pouring will be a better word..so we had no choice bt to head back to the jetty lor...wahaha phy and i even joked abt it, saying that its a good opportunity to train our leadering and critical thinking =Pyep so the 2 of us end up like luo tang ji la huh..quite pathetic...haha the wet phy....XDeven the cat seeked shelter with us =D (under my bike somemore..)haha and the wet JASMINE!! XDooo uncle in action!! the place where we were at was almost flooded..so the uncle was kind enuff to clear away the water..bt one thing i din really understand wad y did he sweep all the leaves and litter down to the drain???? maybe tts the reason for the flood huh...=/oh everyone was seeking shelter..haha so quite a few of them acty went into the seafood restaurant area...we left pulau ubin after the rain got smaller...haix bt still bu gan xin ya...din even get to go to chek yawa at all...that was how scary the weather at ubin's side was...

haha see the contrast in the weather at ubin and at spore??

this was taken at the jetty once we reached singapore...haha the 2 luo tang jis...=p

yupz i shall upload photos to here ba....gt time then carry on...

2009-04-05T16:43:00.002+08:00

now i finally know wads the feeling of 'gek xim' (hokkien)

a lot had been happening recently..undesirable of coz..

hu leng hu re shi ni de zhuan chang ba?

zai bie ren bei hou shuo xian hua hen you qu ma?

zhe zhong zui ming, rang wo jie shou bu lai..

bu shuang jiu zhi jie shuo, gan ma yao an jian shang ren?

yao wo zhen me zuo, ni men cai hui man yi?

maybe i shld learn how to be smarter and protect myself...sometimes, walking out of the comfort zone may not necessarily be the right choice...

i realised...only when i'm at my workplace, can i truly be myself...that is a place whereby i'm highly encouraged to voice out my opinions and make changes to things to improve efficiency..its a place whereby i can be in control of things and make decisions...its a place whereby i'd seen the best teamwork ever w/o having to bring anyone down...its a place whereby every single effort is been recognised, no matter how trival it may seem to be...its a place where i can be myself...where i can be confident and raise my head up high...where i can feel a pat on my shoulder, telling me that i'd done a great job...where all these things cant be found at another place, a place that i'd been in for years.....

well..maybe i'd changed unknowingly due to the environment...but i mean, everyone grows up and everyone changes am i right? and whether one had changed for the better or for worse, it isn't really fair for others to judge, becoz wad matter most is to be urself and u can proudly lift up ur head to say that u're living ur life to the fullest...

2009-03-22T21:31:00.002+08:00

ji ran zuo bu liao ban lvi, na jiu zuo peng you ba! =) bu guo you yi ye shi xu yao shuang fang lai wei chi de..

think a lot for the past few days, and as usual, found tt whatever that i'd done was so silly...haha i'm really someone who can stand up rather fast huh =p

kan kai le..ri zi jiu hui hao guo yi dian..you shi hou, tai zhi zhuo ye wei bi shi yi jian hao shi..

no matter what, those are still wonderful memories that would not have been possible w/o you..so i ought to be thankful for that =) and those are memories which i will never fgt, becoz they form up a part of me and make me who i am tdy..

frens..ya? ^^

i stupidly tot han rui's bdae celebration was on friday and only got to know tt its supposed to be yest after i'd my make-up and everything >.< haha since he is the one responsible, he ought to kill time off with me =P sat at ecp aft my work on friday and the breeze is DAMN NICE!! haha think i'm a very beach-person ya..simply love the beach a lot...i can just sit there and seriously do nth for the entire day...soooooo relaxing..and it puts my brain on rest =D had a good chat with hanrui till ard 10.30 then sent me home...

looks like lao tian ye was not on the side with hanrui huh...haha the rain poured quite heavily yest and got heavier in the evening time...haha so bobian had to retreat back to his hse there...then once we all reached there with those food been transported, the rain stopped -.- and guess what??? i tot i went there as a guest huh..in the end i'd to set up the bbq fire for them!!! all the guys are so USELESS pls...enter NS le still duno how to set up fire...one word for them - CUI!! haha damn lousy pls...totally despise them...=p so i had to set up the fire wearing heels and skirt >.< luckily the skirt got shorts inside de..then those guys just all gather ard and eye power, not like their eye power helped in any way...so my both pitiful hands were black and my face was somewhat in a miserable state as well..and those guys dun even know how to fan the fire!!!!!! tian ah...you mei you gen cui yi dian de???? haha bt the auntie was nice enough to bring down a pail of water for me to wash my hands larhx..hehe in fact, the auntie treated me very well..apparently i was one of the few who got to eat the crab tt uncle went to catch at ubin; i was personally being served food by auntie and she kindly helped me take tissue paper to clean my face; i was being given the cake with kiwi (haha there arent much fruits on the cake anw) and i seem to be able to click with her huh..haha jasmine guo ran shi you lao ren yuan! =D

most of them left aft the cake cutting, so left with those chung cheng gang nia lor..oh oh!! i got to know this girl called yi bin (nt sure if i've gotten her name right), gf of shan rui...omg she's such a sweeeeeet gal!!! coz i was kinda choked by the smoke a few times and she was so sweet to help me fan off those smoke..fed me satay while i was setting up the fire..although it was our first time interacting with each other, but she was sooo friendly and approachable that we became like sisters almost instantly larhx..haha we share food like no one's biz and just so on the same frequency...wah tell u ah shan rui, if you ever dare to mistreat her, you're so gonna die man...=p but i doubt so la huh, haha the two of them look very sweet and super compatible...blessings from me ya!! =D errr i shall not mention abt those embarrassing stuff la huh..haha if anyone wants to know can go ask phy..XD

met mrs lee and 8 other clsmates for lunch at hk cafe tdy...apparently i was the 'first' though i was alr late -.-ll alan acty came first bt he saw no one inside so walked away..haha i was daring enuff to walk in!! =p so everyone was practically late, with phy being the champion reaching at ard 1plus >.<>.< haha bt she came dwn anw and we had a very nice long chat with her...got to know a lot more abt her in fact, and please look after your health more ya mrs lee!!! we want you to be super healthy so that we can have a gathering every year as long as 20-30 years ya!!

finally applied for uni just now...hope i'd made the right choice and i will nt regret..haha jasmine never regrets...and i shall not make any exceptions to that =D

2009-03-18T21:11:00.003+08:00

i think the normal rxn for all kids when u burst their balloons will be to cry right?? similarly, someone burst this balloon of mine....

i wonder whether was it a right decision to ask that qns..yes becoz i wun be kept in the dark anymore..no becoz i'm badly hurt as a result...

totally cldnt slp last night..was tearing all the way till dawn and i 'woke up' with a pair of puffy eyes...even had to lie to my mom tt i kept rubbing my eyes tts why they're so swollen...=x chose to wear a full black outfit with a black bag...black from head to toe..its gonna be a dark day for jasmine...

its really a torture to force myself to appear happy when i'm not...damn xin ku...finally got off daddy's van and can resume back to my normal self..went to the office and pauline told me to zi ji kan zhe ban coz i'll ve to source empty tables from those who're on leave..and apparently, no one from the brokers team seem to be on leave tdy..so i ended up doing my work at a pathetic corner, using calculator from my hp...>.< farina smiled brightly to me when i walked past but all tt i could manage was a bitter smile..i so wanna get out of my office and ku ge gou somewhere else..but i cant...

finally hang in there till 6.15pm and went off with farina...she'd been asking me why i look so sad all day long and i told her wad happened..thx farina for listening to me...although it wasnt the full story...

took train to pasir ris and walked all the way to pasir ris beach with my 2-inch high court shoes...i was just walking aimlessly down the path which i duno where it'll lead me to...was totally zone out to the extent that i only felt the pain in my feet aft i sat down by the beach..the sea breeze is cold...bt my heart is even colder...no longer bleeding, coz there's no more blood to bleed le...cried...penned down my feelings....emo....then aimlessly walked back home again...din eat anything tdy...but i dun feel the hunger at all...in fact, i feel like puking out wadever that is inside my stomach (= gastric juice??)

wondering wads happening to jasmine lian, the supposed iron lady and damn strong gal?? she'd been thrown down into a deep deep well which she cant climb up at all...they're still tgt afterall and i'd once again, became a third party...is this the pay i had to pay for rejecting the other guys? i'd been foolishly waiting for months, for nothing....

sacrificed a lot...but yet, i'm nt sure if those sacrifices are worth it or not...my bio grade is one of the biggest sacrifice...

to think that i was still waiting for ur appearance during vday...when u were in fact holding on to another person at that point of time....to think tt i specially dress up to work on that saturday, thinking that u might pop up at my workplace with a rose...i'd been dreaming for too long.......

if they hadnt told me, i wouldnt have suspected...and from the way u talked on the phone, i'd more or less guessed it...i wonder, how long do u intend to keep me in the dark if i hadnt taken the initiative to ask...

wu nian de gan qing...bu shi shuo fang jiu neng fang de...gai wo yi dian shi jian shi ying mei you ni de ri zi...

wo de xin si le...zai ye gan jue bu dao tong le...yong zhe ke bing leng de xin, huo de xia qu ma?

dang yi ge ren gan dao lei le, ta hui hen xiang ting xia lai, huo xu yong yuan dou bu hui xiang zai zou xia qu le...

2009-02-26T22:08:00.002+08:00

helo ppl...missed me??? XD

yea had been quite busy recently...workload increased with my pay staying the same...well like wad phy said..its for the exp and not really for the money..

went for CG outing on last sat and managed to catch up with my classmates!! all of them matured so much!! like sudd got the chg in the aura wor..apparently it seems like i'm earning the most out of all..err 1.8k per mth seems quite a lot for our status acty...BUT tt is on the basis tt i work practically everyday ok! haha so no complaints!! and seriously ziqi and alan, pls go find a job with better pay and better learning environment..>.<
(p.s. i'll upload those photos taken on sunday k? haha i know a lot of ppl want to hantum me alr =x)

tues was mama's bdae so the whole family went out to din tai feng for a feast...hehe of coz the one who pays will be the one who earns the most (aka my bro) =p

had been learning a lot more things this week at work...think my brain cells die faster when i'm working than when i was studying...seems like its true when many say its easier to learn as much as possible when one is young...coz the absorption rate drops as you age..got 2 more new colleagues with us since tues..err well, no offence, but i seriously have the feeling of watching suria everyday during lunch time..>.< like totally kenna octrasized pls..

duno if its just me..but i just find it real fascinating to see ppl falling aslp in front of the computer after lunch...i just simply dun get it you know, how on earth can one fall aslp when he/she is doing work?!?!?! i mean there is sth urgent on ur hand and yet u still can fall aslp?? maybe the theory abt blood rushing frm the brain to the stomach to digest the food stands..but it pretty much shows how disciplined and how responsible that person is i guess..i really dun get it when my colleagues walk to me at times to say that they need coffee coz they're falling aslp soon...-.-lll

it seems like i have to do sth to THIS thing..if not its not going anywhere and it'll just keeps dragging...the kids will be the ones who will suffer...

2009-02-20T23:42:00.002+08:00

100th POST!!!! =D

haha this is the most long lasting blog i've ever had...hehe =P

tired tired tired..jasmine is slogging her lungs out everyday..err putting it in a nicer way, i'm learning a lot of new things which others wun ve the chance to...putting it in a nastier way, i'm being forced to learn things much faster than the rest, doing more things but being paid the same salary...mmm well glad tt my superiors acty think quite highly of me and they're all really nice to me..haha despite my continuous disturbance (coz i'll pop up by their desks when i have qns =x), they are all still very patient and friendly with me..=D

how come i sense tt some ppl are trying to exploit me??? mmmm....

alrights shall slp early..tml still need to work and handle 11 kids...ganbatte jasmine!!!

2009-02-17T21:59:00.002+08:00

"aiyo~~~ so gentle and sweet~~~~"

wahahaha tt was wad my superior said when she overheard me addressing another colleague..coz was trying to pass a stack of settled claims to a colleague who was keying in some data, wasnt very sure if i shld interrupt her so said her name very very softly..

apparently my colleagues were rather surprised when they knew i'm single..haha do i look like i'm attached??? lolx

looks like i'm building more and more good rapport with my colleagues at work and they are all very nice to me!! =D hehex hen nan rang ren tao yan wo ba~ =P all those aunties will super zhao gu me, then will always chase me off for lunch at 11.45 sharp and chase me home at 6pm...thank goodness got them sia..they make my work life so much more interesting!! ^^

jasmine is getting used to this kinda lifestyle..her life is only gonna get better starting from now!!! =D

2009-02-16T21:21:00.002+08:00

yo ppl~

thx for all the concern my frens..i'm perfectly fine now ok! haha in case if some of you duno, i'm a super strong gal!! haha one day/night is all i need to stand up again..my mama always says, na de qi jiu yao fang de xia..so since i'd decided to picked it up some time ago, i must have the courage to put it down...plus i'd alr xiang tong le, i might get to meet better guys during uni yea? yupx so why shld i restrict myself to just one choice right? ying gai gei zi yi ji hui, ye gei bie ren yi hui..=)

i tot it was rather silly for me to commit the same mistake as wad i did 5 years ago...haha silly jasmine..if its impossible 5 years ago but suddenly possible now, sth is very wrong isnt it? but no matter wad, there were lots of wonderful memories as well...so really really thank you for creating those fabulous memories..=)

ren zhang da le...ye xue hui kan kai le...dui yu sheng huo li de dian dian di di, bing bu shi yang yang dou yao na me zhi zhuo...huo xu song yi song shou, kuan yi kuan xin, ni jiu hui jue de huo ran kai lang...

more things are coming up on my way, waiting for me to settle....jasmine will continue to learn and mature...she is getting used to the corporate world and she will soon become an iron lady...

yuan lai yi ge ren de shi jie ye ke yi na me jing cai ^^

2009-02-14T21:38:00.002+08:00

its V day today and here i am, procrastinating...

just some updates..i'd found a job under AIA as a data entry clerk in the group insurance claim team..but i'm definitely learning more than just pure data entry..prospects look good over there..started work last tues and i'd worked 2 OTs in just my first week of work..bo bian larhx i'll feel very uncomfortable if i dun complete my work (though i'm nt obliged to)..those seniors are really nice to me..super patient in teaching me the new stuff and offered to show us ard, plus tips on how to get a seat in the super crowded CBD area during lunch...guess i'm quite satisfied with this job, can gain a lot of experience and my resume will look damn good..

my colleagues were all saying tt i'm an iron lady..haha work 5 days + 2 OTs not enough, still working as part-time teacher on sat for the whole day, plus private tuition on sunday..practically no time to rest..haha weeshan even asked me if i really so que qian nots...well, its not on the point as to whether am i in need of cash..but more of preparing to pay for my uni fees la huh..

went to get some roses frm kh in the morning..wrapped those roses at my workplace since i was super early..and gave them to my colleagues..haha all of them were damn happy to receive the rose larhx..nice to see their smiles..

sometimes, life is just filled with ironies...the one who seem to have a few butterflies around him/her may be the very person who will be the loneliest during V day...jasmine is one such good e.g....she pathetically spent her entire day facing kids, when her energy bar is alr flashing red light..think tdy is the day of her 19years of life with the most number of disappointments...the feeling of being hopeful to being totally hopeless, is like climbing a high high mountain and when you finally reaches the top to enjoy the view, you slip and fall and die..yea tts the exact feeling...

i kept having a lot of hopes tdy..see la kh, u made me believe too much in tt person le larhx..made me have so many mental images..i was hoping the whole day, just to see tt person..in the morning, hoping to see him at the void deck..hoping to see him somewhere during lunch break..i looked out everywhere for his presence...and finally when my last class ended at 6, i was so so hopeful when i was able to step out of the room, only to be filled with disappointment once again..there wasnt even a single msg, not to say appearance...reluctantly dragged my feet to the bus-stop and went home for dinner...held back my tears for countless times on the bus and felt like being pressed down by tonnes of things...i had my hopes up again when i was walking towards my hse..but then again.....despite all these, still had to qiang yan huan xiao, must pretend as if i had a wonderful day tdy at work in front of my parents...how perfect can it get...

i'd waited...i'd taken steps...if you hadnt realise, i was the one initiating frm time to time..and if you hadn't realise, i'm a lady who needs love and care too....not the strong-headed jasmine tt you see when others are ard...

sometimes i just wish for a shoulder...a place where i can rely on and cry for all i want...do u know how bad it feels to hold back tears?

maybe its just a one-sided thing...again...like wad had happened 5 years ago..maybe i shld just give up...there are some things, which arent worth holding on..you xie shi, bu shi shuo xiang liu, jiu neng liu xia lai de...fang shou, ye xu hui bi jiao hao guo...dui ni, dui wo, huo xu dou shi bi jiao shi he de xuan ze...win-win situation? this is it..

do u know how painful it feels to be floating around alone on the street, when couples are holding hands ALL AROUND YOU?

perhaps i'd been reading too much into things...those things that seem to be trival to you, are in fact significant to me...if those shared memories are not been treasured by you, then it is pointless for me to hold on to it as well...if u dun ve tt meaning, dun do those things...becoz u'll end up hurting those ard you...just like how much u'd hurt me...

jasmine will wise up frm tml onwards...but for now, just let her dwell on her own procrastinations..just let her release all her bottled emotions in the form of tears....

2009-02-09T09:48:00.002+08:00

random-ness..

i realised i'd been missing out on a lot of things..too focus on THAT thing alr..mmmm

i'd been neglecting frens...and i really feel sry abt tt..it seems as though i'm drifting away frm a lot of them..bt its alright, i'll row my boat towards each and every one of them starting frm NOW..

jasmine really needs to learn how to multi-task..not in the physical terms..bt in the interpersonal terms..=/

2009-02-09T09:32:00.002+08:00

wow i'd been mia-ing for a longggggggggggg time...oh today is the last day of cny aka yuan2 xiao1 jie2 so pls do have a reunion tgt with ur family as much as possible yea.. =)

a rather busy week last week...went back to cchm for TD(G) on wed aftnoon, cleared up some of the documents in the cupboard as well..haha boss said i'll be the future successor of tt cupboard so i'd better do a good job..went thru things abt TD with the kids and had a great time laughing coz of their role-plays...think last wed was the first time i acty laughed during np curriculum...XD took lots of photos and videos but sad to say, the crappiest video turned out to be corrupted..sadded mannn

went to jie's 21st bdae party on sat...argh din manage to complete her prezzie...so sry jie!! i'll give it to you asap yea..=) met up with a number of my ex-ex-ncos and one ex-nco..haha had a nice chat with them, you guys rock man! =D

pass sth to xiao xiao gua yest morning and went off shortly after tt for tuition..went to city hall starbucks to give an english tuition to jac..haha a very nice lady who is super eager to learn...hopefully i can successfully help her improve her eng..=)

okiex tts all the updates for last week...and jasmine lian's status is still unemployed..-.- hopefully can find one soon...>.<

oh this sat is V DAY!!! haha guys and girls out there..if you wanna make any confession, this sat is the best chance!!! hehe those who needs advices/ideas can approach me yea...=p

2009-02-02T00:11:00.002+08:00

went to lin lao shi's hse this morning to bai nian..met up with the HM peeps damn happy can..so long nv see them le..=D

talked to kh over the msn just now (and now) then duno why jasmine suddenly became very emo..damn the mood swing (and the flu)...went to listen to Ai Mei by Rainie Yang...its the first time i feel tt the lyrics are so real...so so real...

jasmine will nt carry too much hope..yao bao chi yi ke ping chang xin jiu bu hui tai shi wang..

and she will learn to be strong..nt just in front of others..but oso when she's facing problems alone..she will learn not to cry...but for now, just let her have an avenue................

2009-01-29T14:33:00.002+08:00

happy new year ppl!!!

haven update for quite a few days lo..had been busy preparing for new year and doing lots of house-visiting..

this year's cny eve was special coz i was the only one who shou3 shui4..tt piggy brother of mine totally knocked out at 12plus..played 2 rounds of chinese chess online and lost terribly..haha horrible la, made me lose right at the beginning of the year..then played daidee aft tt all the way till 4 plus..then frens went to slp le so i nua-ed online till ard 6..woke everyone in my family up and went to bugis si ma lu to baibai..came home aft tt and started preparing for the dinner..relatives came at ard 5+ 6 and there goes all the monkeys..oh i mean kids =p..run in run out, climb here climb there...i can go be super nanny loooo..went over to my 4th uncle's hse after dinner..played audition for the 2nd time haha and my results arent tt bad..had a gals' talk aft tt till ard 11 then zao home..

helped my brother with the marking of his students' scripts the next day...4 classes of paper sia..then he still have the cheeks to tell me very easy to mark one...easy then cannot ownself mark ahh?? >.<>

went to meet yet another job consultant from recruit express yest...wait for 15 mins and he only talked to me for less than 5 mins -.-lll apparently i was the only one who dressed formally larhx..the rest of the teens there all wear skinny jeans plus t-shirt...how to convince others to find u a job when u dun even know the basic courtesy of an interview sia?? anyway went over to my 1st uncle's hse again for dinner coz there were a lot of fresh ingredients for steamboat left over..so went there to help them clear up the food...waahahaha jasmine is getting pro-er at daidee!!! hehe at least there were more wins last night as compared to the cny eve..

woke up early this morning to go baibai again (at a different location though) then went over to 2nd uncle's/grandparents' hse to bai nian...haha the wind there is sooooo gooddddd tt i fell aslp on the sofa =x...

tml going back chungcheng, sat gotta go teach and sun going linlaoshi's hse plus 3rd uncle's hse..

oh mannnnn i'm soooooooooooooo HAPPY FOR MY 2 SPECIAL FRENS!!! haha jasmine is so so so happy to see tt the 2 of them are finally getting tgt coz i know tt the guy will be a gem to my girlfriend..haha must treasure each other yea?? =D man..tt guy is freaky romantic..to the extent tt i feel like smacking him le..hahaha he was pondering over what to get for tt girl during v day..so i gave him a few suggestions and it all turned out to be 'i gave her before le' -.- totally sian 1/2 pls...haha lidat in future wad can u give sia!!! but its ok i believe the set-up tt i'd described to u last night is sufficient to make her superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr touched...wahahah i wanted to say last night tt we can have another business proposal lo..the 2 of us can go set up a wedding-planning company...haha then we can be those super pro wedding-coordinator...oh man haha everything will be sooo perfect with our ideas!! XD anyway must jiayou ya!!! ALL THE BEST TO U AND HER!!!

haha think i'm really crazy le..i'm acty happier and more excited than tt guy larhx..hahah cant help la..just feel so happy for them..^^

yi qie sui yuan ba..shi wo de jiu shi wo de..bu shi wo de zai zhen me qiang qiu ye mei yong...wo kan kai le..guo yi tian, shi yi tian ba =)

2009-01-23T09:48:00.002+08:00

oh i missed out on a point abt yest..haha i saw MR NGOH!!!!! haha he was shopping at the compass point metro yest with his wife too...mm the wife looks quite elegant and classy wor wahahah mr ngoh has got good taste..=p went over to da zhao hu then the first qns that popped out frm his mouth was 'pei nan peng you lai mai yi fu ah?'..if possible, i would have penged immediately right at tt spot..lol had a hard time explaining to him larhx...dang he better dun spread the word or i'm doomed..>.<

2009-01-22T18:36:00.002+08:00

tired~~~

damn i just realised tt my hp no given in the resume has mistakes!!! but luckily the one i gave in the email is the right one...>.<

applied for more jobs this morning = send out tons of resumes with the wrong hp number >.<

chiahow asked me out to shop in the afternoon..went to compass point for lunch and walk walk ard to help him look for cny clothes..i ended up shopping for edwin's bdae pressie..hahaha horrible jasmine..anw ch bought a t-shirt which i think was rather nice..haha nxt time pls find ur other 18/07 de gals to go shopping with you ok?? as i'd said, i'm the kind of person who goes shopping with wad i wanna buy in mind alr so usually i dun go walk walk ard de..and i believe they'll ve a better taste than me =p

bought edwin a dark blue tie with some simple design on it..tt tie caught my eyes the moment i saw it..haha machiam yi jian zhong qing la huh..like it coz of the colour and texture..its nt the normal smooth smooth kind..so pretty unique in my eyes at least..errr duno if its branded or not lehx..just feel tt its nice lo..just hope tt the salesgirl who wrapped it up just now remembered to take off the price tag =x

went down to serangoon to pass edwin the pressie just now and we walked to the interchange..haha i learnt new things!!! now i know tt the level of 'formality' is pretty much related to the spectrum of colours..the lighter the colour, the more formal it is and vice versa..haha now i noe black is mainly for entertainment lo...good good so in future i wun make these mistakes when i step into the corporate world..=)

guess i'm gonna be converted to maria again later...need to buy more stuff = maria needs to carry heavy things..tian ahh my hands totally peel until cannot peel le lo..haha this kind of hands dun nid to get married le larhx XD

2009-01-20T22:03:00.002+08:00

woo hoo my 90th post~~ haha crazy jasmine..

had a lot of crazy tots recently..the most recent one was tt i suddenly have the urge to get married..XD haha crazy rite?? i started to wonder what kind of guy would i fall for to be my hubby..wad kind of marriage will the 2 of us have..wad kind of wife will i become?? someone who will stay at home and look aft kids, cook dinner, wait for hubby to come home and give him a big big hug??? haha a lot of images flashed thru in my mind..all those sweet sweet and heart-warming images..haha crazy la me..thinking of marriage when i'm nt even attached =P

frankly speaking..given my current pi2 qi4 and character, i dun think any guy will dare to marry me la huh..=P i realised i'm acty very strong-headed..very dominating...very da4 nv3 ren2...yi niao yi ren just dun seem to fit me la huh..not now at the very least..mm perhaps the feng shui master was spot on in saying tt my eyes are grown on the top of my head yea, and i'll have a rather late marriage at ard 30+...

i just realised i'm working on both the eve of the eve of cny and V day..darn..cant really enjoy my hols..haha made a big fuss abt it just now to phy when i realised i'll ve to work on v day..bt then came to realise tt there's nth for me to grumble when i have no date -.-

went to popular just now to get the materials needed to make jiejie's 21st bdae pressie..mm duno whats on her wishlist so guess i'll just fa hui my diy and handicraft skills la huh..hehe hope she'll like the pressie..for now it'll be a secret..shhhhh~~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JERENE DEAR!!! aiya wanted to give her another surprise like what we'd done last year de..bt then she got celebration with her family so bo bian lo..sianed wanted to hide in her hse even before she return frm work de then can pop up in front of her when she returns home..but well my plan kinda fail..=x nvm we'll find one day and go out tgt kk dear!! =D

hai jasmine is getting crazier by the min..who knows wad kind of weird weird thoughts she'll have on her mind later XD

2009-01-19T21:44:00.002+08:00

totally maria-fied these few days...>.<

coz daddy sold away the van so now have to run a few trips to buy all the new year stuff back..those things are damn heavy!! haha luckily i'm np-trained..went to buy lots of new year food and those deco stuff..so the entire afternoon yest was spent decorating the hse alone..i din know climbing up the ladder and standing w/o support would be so scary man..jasmine a.k.a maria...

went to grandparents' hse this morning then yet another trip to the bedok supermarket to buy more stuff..and the stupid auntified trolley is getting on my nerves..i'll rather carry those heavy bags of stuff than to use the irritating trolley..came back, arranged those stuff and cooked dinner...

i just realised my posts are getting more and more hsewife-ish sia!! damn damn damn...this is totally horrible...i near to change my life style sia!!! >.<

jasmine is highly irritatable (flammable) these few days..my brother just got me into flames of fiery yest morning..totally piss me off man..took my baking stuff w/o asking me..fgt it if its for his own uses..he took everything, wait let me emphasize - EVERYTHING, in the cupboard and brought it to his gf's hse to bake..W/O ASKING ME! darn..he was banging those drawers early in the morning and woke me up..so i went into the kitchen and saw him gopping the stuff, having the cheeks to sound li3 zhi2 qi4 zhuang4 when i asked him wad he was doing..those ingredients were bought on my own account, and he is bringing all of those for his gf to bake cookies to SELL AND EARN MONEY...cmon tell me how fair this is..TOTALLY PISSED!!! and there wasnt even a single 'sorry' or 'may i?' from him..not a single word..wads worse was my mom acty sided with him and her..damn now who's ur daughter? who was the maria who cared abt the family, who bothered to do all the spring cleaning, who went to supermarkets with you to carry those freaking heavy stuff, who wasted her time decorating the hse which no one freaking cares?!?! SO WAD IF HE IS THE SON?? I AM NOT TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED OF!!

thats it..jasmine is ending this post with a fishing pissed mood..

2009-01-17T22:48:00.002+08:00

yea..jasmine is sick..yet again...=/

din get a good slp last night..or maybe i should say this morning..kept tossing and turning..then woke up 7.30 to go for work..

was alr a little feverish these few days..but it kinda became worse after yest night..was feeling damn groggy this morning..how i wish i could have just stay in bed for a little longer..

had a few short dizzy spells today and i felt as though i was burning inside with a cold surface outside..barfed my dinner out just now too..>.<>

haha silly jasmine..stupid jasmine..duno why she cares so much for wad...seriously dumb dumb sia..and here she is typing this stupid post not knowing whether anyone will be reading it not..haha wad an ironic life..jasmine is laughing at herself..

2009-01-17T00:59:00.002+08:00

when was the last time she'd cried?? months ago??

she's feeling lost now...scared...scared of sth bad happening...scared of losing someone...

'scared' has never been in her dictionary...but now it is..

i dun wan i dun want i dun want

2009-01-11T15:42:00.002+08:00

hello ppl~~~

hectic days on thurs, fri and sat..

prepared for the CSI thingy till ard 3.30am and it turned out to be quite a disaster on friday...such a disappointment jasmine lian!! darn..i was too arrogant..i thought it would be a success...when was the last time that jasmine lian was so so so cranky and disorganized?? horrible jasmine..you've let urself down...you've let others down as well..such a failure

went to work early on sat coz i totally din read thru the lesson plans on friday..thanks to him for the free ride to work..=) first lesson was really relaxed but i had to crack my brains to think of stuff to entertain him...2nd cls was mad...dealt with a super arrogant kid and the whole pace was super slow..had to rush to finish the lesson..in contrast the 3rd cls (same module) was so much better and i still have time to chat with the gals..last class was mad too when i was struggling to control the 2 drift-away boys while keeping in mind tt i was been observed..

practically ran out of the centre at ard 6.05..haha totally cant wait to get out of the place..went for a spin and had dinner...then totally nua-ed at changi beach park..wow the breeze there is WOO HOO..haha afro head =x nua-ed till ard 9.30 then was brought to old CH for a creepy tour..tian ahh i totally have no idea tt the chalet i had last time was SO CLOSE to old CH!!! haha good tt i din know if not i would have freaked out..=x was sent home after tt..reached home ard 10 plus if i'm nt wrong..now i'm confused again..hai...wad shld i do???

yea i know tt cardon dioxide and hydrogen can never form an equation...unless if i'm reading too much into things...

who was the idiot who came up with the saying that not everything has to be spoken??? bad idea...very very bad..

2009-01-07T21:57:00.002+08:00

happy happy happy~~~ hehe jasmine is happy..though the cadets are still the same...the damn adult fare is still the same...her life is still as busy and tiring..but she is still happy..just for a simple reason..

haha duno y recently i'm getting more and more used to writing stuff abt myself in a 3rd person's context..haha maybe i can think better that way..looking at things around me from a bigger picture..

was pretty busy these few days..sunday went to smu with jiamin and 2 kids to discuss about the CSI thingy for 9th jan..fun discussion...jiamin and i bought soy bean drink and egg tart for the kids..haha they seriously like small boyboy pls..

initially promised dong to go for the squad outing de..bt in the end i had to stay at home to look after mama coz she fell ill and after which i oso kenna the flu..horrible..was totally a hsewife for the entire day..haha tiring..

mmm spent the whole of yest doing up the autopsy report plus other csi details..hehe the autopsy report is cool pls..wah but it was done with much agony coz i had to keep refering to 5-6 other samples..haha lots of biological terms popped up so i had to keep wikipedia them..went out at night..went to dou feng and nua at ecp...then had dinner/supper at changi...nua part 2 at somewhere near changi..then sent me home..hehx happy..but hidden agenda not met..mmm well its ok some other days bahx..

went back to chung cheng this afternoon with my stomach empty >.<>

just came back from another spin..haha cool..but throughout the whole trip i was very hesitant to say sth..mmm shld i say it?? duno lehx..seems like today is not his day..so dun really want to add on to the trouble list..alrights..shall make it some other day bahx..=)

rights ppl..back to my autopsy report and lab reports...>.<

2009-01-05T14:20:00.003+08:00

hello ppl...

jasmine officially declares that she hates ironing trousers..haha so my pitiful future husband will suffer XD

had been super busy with np stuff these few days..haha i'm seeing my fellow instructors on almost everyday and opening up my 'NPCC' folder almost everyday in my lappy..haha getting a little tired le huh..there are still a lot of things waiting for me to look into..

tt person just dun get it..i may be the main subj of ur life..but that doesnt mean tt you have to be the main subj of my life you understand? i have my own life to lead to and you can expect me to be concerned abt everything abt you...tts just not fair..i do get tired with this you know? i'm really really getting irritated with it not coz of your presence, bt coz i duno how to deal with it..and i get a little freaked out..just do me this little favour pls??

jasmine is super determined in getting rid of this lan tao hua this year 2009..haha this is her NEW new year resolution...no more nonsense..no more playing ard...2009 will be the year for her to do all those things that she'd given up in the past 6years..its high time to get back wad she deserves..it'll also be a year for jasmine to earn lots of money as uni fees..work np work np work np..tts basically wads in line for her till uni starts bahx

new year aim:
- get rid of the lan tao hua
- remain single till tt special someone comes knocking on her door
- earn money
- learn dance!!!
- set whats wrong right in np
- help those in need of one
- catch up with ppl whom i'd neglected in the past
- stop procrastinating
- be a simple and happy girl who smiles when her sight is all filled with him...

2008-12-31T20:31:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year to All!!! =D

Have been mia-ing for quite some time ever since the update on christmas..was busy with NP stuff for 4 days straight..had an instructors/officer meeting on last sunday at suntec mac..then monday went back to cchm for sai gang at 9am..totally SAI GANG sia..wahaha how long have it been ever since i've done such things?? dealt with the firewood and campfire stuff, wanted to data-rize the cupboard but simply have no time..went 'grocery' shopping with boss to get milo and so some popular bookstore shopping..went back to sch and did more saigang =x..started a unit meeting at 8 till 1.30am >.< haha went to 'play fire' (acty is to try out the campfire stuff la) and bathed..haha poor hk kenna ps-ed coz he was the only guy..=P went to slp at ard 4.30 but i practically stayed awake all the while, just couldnt fall aslp sia..'woke up' at 6.30, totally zombified coz din slp at all and went wash-up..haha all 4 of us were cranky (OH Cranky is the new common word that Inst/Officer will always use from now on XD) ok la nt exactly all four, bt at least i was and i think boss was too..

the CLs got it bad from us coz they were extremely late and did lots of nonsense la..went to settle more sai gang after the cadets resume the normal activity..

had quite a bit of problem with the campfire but it turns out to be WONDERFUL!! mmm was very rush towards the end of the preparation coz parents started turning up and we werent really quite done with the campfire yet..almost everyone got very cranky..thousand apologies to my fellow colleagues and boss!!!!!!! so so so sorry for all the frustrations if they somehow bother you...haha esp to hewei coz i think as a new CI and first time handling such a big event, he must be very stress le then i got cranky at him somemore..pspspsps..>.< cleared up the campfire stuff and left sch at 11+..ty ms k for giving us a ride!! =D reached home tt time close to 12 le, took a shower and immediately conked out the moment i came into contact with my bed..

went back to cchm again today for the clearing up of campfire and tied rope obs with the CLs..the stupid bus 12 came like super late and i waited for close to 30mins..told jiamin i'll be late and she fwded the cranky msg frm boss >.< chionged cab into cchm to spare myself from the black face and scoldings..haha apparently jiamin chionged cab too and zy almost got knocked down by a car in the midst of running to school..everyone looked so so so freaked out when they enter the sch..haha machiam you did sth wrong and you're gonna get spanked by ur parents..heng the black face period was rather short and boss wasnt cranky anymore after the clearing up of campfire..haha heng teresa mam was ard if not the atmosphere will be very weird sia..tied 3 rope obs just now with only 10cadets and 6 CIs/HO(s) all the way till close to 6..my hands and palms are officially CUI...in a freaking pathetic state right now pls..red and swollen palms with cui fingernails due to the kerosene and the kerosene 'ate' into the flesh la..so the nails and flesh portion all very pain..haha said before le..with this pair of hands ahh i really dun nid to get married le if i live in the past..

very xin ku in the past few days coz kept barfing and had cramps plus all the headaches & dizzy spells..skipped almost every meal, even if got eat oso eat a bit nia, coz everytime after i eat le will puke and everything wil just come out..>.< but i was very happy..simple happiness =) hehex dun wanna say it so plainly but yea just plain happiness..though i din get to slp on the 2nd night but i'm still happy =D

hai my new year eve is gona be gone just lidat..typing this blog post to entertain and will be starting on my meeting minutes in a short while..well done lahx it is official that jasmine has NO LIFE!!! >.<

2008-12-28T22:32:00.003+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..jasmine is irritated...with irritating houseflies and the irritating confusion of the situation (it rhymes!)..

Official Announcement: Jasmine Lian is single BUT UNavailable! End of story! >.<

2008-12-27T22:03:00.002+08:00

yay jasmine signed her first teaching contract today!! she is officially employed as a part-time teacher at Science Buddies..so she is fully booked on every Saturdays from 10.30am to 6pm lo..

yepx signed the contract at the thomson centre along JASMINE ROAD..haha wad a coincidence..=P had a short briefing session by jennifer..she's a real nice lady =D..was given a stack of lesson plans and i'll be starting work NEXT saturday!! haha very fast sia..hope i'll be up to it..=)

went to help one of my friends after that which turned out to be errr...disaster >.< hehx in the end i yue bang yue mang la..heh heh paiseh lahx i'm nt trained in tt area marhx...

went home and cooked dinner after tt..long time since i'd last cooked for the entire family..watched peter pan after tt and i cried like mad towards the ending..think i'd cried too much coz having some dizzy spells now @.@

jasmine is very confused nowwwww....very very very confused...say yes oso cannot..say no oso cannot...got a lot of consequences to consider...well phy is right in saying that i'm still young and have a lot of time to try things out...well tts true but wad abt the aftermath?? will i be able to bear the consequences?? or will i lian lei the others around me as well?? mmm 've been thinking abt this issue many weeks & months le but still cant make the sense out of anything..nothing seems to be going in the right direction sia...and the worst is that i'm unclear of my own stand!!! =( saddening...

jasmine really wishes to end this stupid LAN TAO HUA this year!!! no more such nonsense next year pls..i've had enuff of dealing with superficial guys and that's that! seriously tired of balancing between not hurting and not leading on sia..fish...

2008-12-25T21:25:00.003+08:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

Its a season of sharing and love so lets all put away our grudges and sincerely wish one another a blessed christmas yea?

celebrated christmas this year at jerene's house with some friends and her family..had bbq on the eve of christmas and it was a very successful one indeed!! (of coz lahx..got me ard how can it be tt bad rite?? =D )

reached jer's hse at ard 3pm, bought sweets for her cousins and some bacon + mushroom to jia1 liao4 for the bbq..chatted for quite some time while waiting for jiamin to come then we decided to go down and help her father with the preparation..bt apparently her father had done all the marination liaox..so we helped to set up the porch for bbq lo..i prepared the special bacon dish tt i'd gopped from kay howe, with jer's help...

jiamin and lisilong with frens came at ard 6 plus..aww jiamin was so sweet to prepare a gift for me..so sry my dear, fgt to prepare =( LSL bought white and red wine too..oh his frens are very friendly - steve and ben..nice knowing them too! =) LSL was been thrown a big task of setting up the fire at the super small pit (less than an A4 size) considering that he'd not set up fire before..well of coz the bbq pro - JASMINE will take up the task of setting up fire for the big pit..haha LSL took ard the same time as me to set up a pathetically weak fire..=P and of coz setting up fire is a small piece of cake for jasmine XD

started bbq before the pre-stated 7.30 coz jiamin leaving for another party..so started bbq-ing and muahahahahahaha the legendary CHILLI SOTONG RE-APPEARED!!! wahaha apparently a lot of ppl, inclusive of jer's relatives, missed my special chilli sotong and it was a super hot demand on that day..the bacon thing was very nice too!! =D CALL JASMINE THE PRO~~~

drank some white and red wine while bbq-ing..haha totally no kick at all..and i dun really like the taste and texture of tt red wine..quite rough..had 2 cups and din feel any effect at all but tt lousy LSL felt tipsy =P lishi and grace came too! =) i offically stopped bbq-ing at ard 9 plus..haha and started a series of super exciting games with the friends!!

initially was a pure round of truth and dare..so can imagine the girls will choose truth and the guys were been forced to choose dare =P..so lishi had to place 2 pieces of tissue paper between her specs and her eyes, and tell everyone that she is a mummy..steve had to choose dare, so his task was to go over to the opposite house (which happened to be having a family bbq too) and shout "This is Batam!!!!" wahaha he was real loud man..we kept changing the game from time to time when it got boring so the entire session was unbeliveably HIGH man!!

grace had to go around and shake everyone's hand, saying merry christmas to them..

steve had to stand at the door, face the living-room (which has ard 10 over ppl i guess??), get their attention by clapping the hands and say in mandrin "everyone listen up!! Next year, i'll replace Jay Chou!! I'll be the new tian1 wang2!!!"

jer and LSL had to sing twinkle twinkle little stars together..jer sang the proper english version de bt that LSL totally created his own chinese version de..

the poor steve had to go over to jer's daddy in front of everyone and sa-jiao..he had to say sth like " Uncle~~~~~wo3 yao4 bao4 bao4~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~" and then really give a bear-hug..wahahaha super gay...=P

LSL had to go over to jer's korkor and sajiao too!! he needed to ask "korkor!!!! wo3 ke3 ai4 ma????????" then one of his legs will have to jiao qi lai and must put his hand at his mouth there!!!haha super comical pls..

LSL oso had to ask a dance from jer's father (haha jer's father is SUPER ON MAN!!!! =D) he need to grab his hands with both hands and swing the arm..while doing that he had to sajiao and ask "uncle~~~~~wo3 ke2 yi3 he2 ni3 tiao4 zhi1 wu3 ma????" really must dance sia!! wahahaha damn funny..

the super suay LSL had another forfeit whereby he had to run up the stairs by the living room up to the 2nd floor and come down..haha sounds normal rite??? the interesting part is that while he is running up, he'll have to go 'wooooooooooooooooooooooo~~~~' and swing his arms about like a madman..then when he is coming down, he'll have to roar like a gorilla and mimic the actions too!! =D orhh-yi-orhh-yi-orhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~~~~ =P

jer had to go ard with ben to act out a short puppet show which turns out to be a super disaster!! wahaha totally leng chang pls..ben had to wear one of his socks on his right hand and hold onto a bottle of red wine..then jer had to ask her relatives if anyone wants a re-fill..ben had to add on that the wine is super fragrant with 'his smell'...wahaha the 'his smell' part is he ownself add in de larhx..

wahahaha then the last forfeit ended up with STEVE!! haha the suay-kia larhx..he had to go to the table where all the relatives were eating and get their attention..then he'll have to act cool and sing "shi sui qiang zou le wo de mai ke feng~~~~" by Wilber Pan along with actions..then he had to suddenly point to one of them and ask "shi bu shi ni!!!!" haha totally paiseh to the max loooooo...

heng i was the only surviving one with ZERO forfeits!!! wahahaha JASMINE THE PRO AGAIN!!! =D took lots of photos with everyone after that before the guys left...i'll say that all the fun and joy at the bbq is coz of the guys larhx..haha w/o the guys will be super boring i guess?? as in the typical girls' talk and stuff lidat..haha provened that guys are funny and add life to events!!!!

everyone started going home after awhile...jer and i both had our turns to bathe and waited for jiamin to come back...initially thought of playing mahjong with jer's parents de, but lack of one person so couldnt play...thought jiamin will be coming back at ard 12 plus coz aftertt no transport svrs le mahx so was watching tv will waiting lo..in the end waited till i fell aslp on the sofa coz jiamin only called to say tt she's reaching ard ard 2.30am..wah totally super tired...jiamin went to shower and i lay out the mattress, comforters and stuff..haha the camwhorer jerene started taking photos again....when jiamin is done bathing i totally jing shen le larhx coz my slping time is over le..so we updated each other on our life (err in particular, love life larh huh) and let out a lot of secrets..=X haha its ok..it'll be kept among the 3 of us, so if anyone else knows abt it, uhhh it kinda narrow down to the origin le lar..talked till 4 plus in the morning and went to bed..

i suddenly woke up at 6++ and found jiamin's head on my bed -.-lll obviously her slping posture not very good huh..can turn & toss to the extent that she's slping exactly perpendicular to the bed..pro sia..o.O haha so i was practically left with less that half of the mattress to slp with..couldnt really slp well coz my nose kept blocking...

woke up at ard 10 and jiamin was up alr..as in she was stil lazing in bed lah bt she woke up le..tt piggy jer obviously is still slping..i went to wash up and dive back into my dou3 wo1..talked with jiamin abt np stuff and jer FINALLY woke up when it was close to 12..went down to have lunch and went back up to jer's room to work on jewelleries...jiamin made a bracelet with jer's help (loads of help i mean =p) i made a pair of indian-ish earrings which i'm quite proud of =D..jer made 2 bracelets..haha jiamin and jer asked me why i always like to dress so mature-ly..haha then i told them coz i dun like to be associate with young and insensible teenagers..i believe i'm a mature and thinking young adult alr..seriously, the kind of friends you mix with is really very influencial in moulding your characteristics and thinking/mindset..i thought been with phy, ws and hy for 2 years really made me a better thinking person..haha especially the talking session with phy when the 2 of us will simply talk abt any issue and pour out our opinions instead of non-sensical talks with no content..haha thought i always appear to be luffing like mad when the 3 of them are ard, as in we're always talking abt nonsense, but there are really times whereby we'll be serious (real serious) and think of philosophies..haha for that, I PROUD OF YOU GUYS!!! *muacks*

had a light tea-break after that and went home shortly after..haha jasmine is officially fat and needs to exercise like mad...really really need to slim down le..ganbatte~~~~~~~~~~~

2008-12-21T12:49:00.002+08:00

DISCLAIMER: THOSE FRIENDSTER COMMENTS POSTED ARE THE EVIL DOINGS OF A VIRUS AND I'M TRYING TO GET RID OF IT. APOLOGIES FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE.

crap..the friendster virus is driving me crazy..had a busy week and foresee another busy week..

went to help parents with labour work yest so woke up at 5..totally zombified...in return, i've got 2 aching arms and a swollen right hand (or maybe trotter will be a better word) with blisters and bruises..pain like mad..jasmine can totally forget abt marrying a husband if she lived in the past coz she no longer has a pair of smooth and delicate hands..>.<

chionged home after work, bathed and went str to CHUA CHU KANG...crap a journey tt is 1.5 hrs long excluding waiting time for buses/train..but well, for the sake of our future CI - hewei, i shall tolerate with the irritating long journey..went there alone so was like a loner floating around at HTA..kinda felt weird and awkward huh..saw boss there and quite a few of my trainees frm past few batches too..bought sweets for the committee coz i haven seen them for quite some time le..bought a box of chocolate for hewei too as graduation gift..haha boss say i spoil market..XD saw mervyn korkor there too, haha he spotted me first acty..i was kinda blind coz he'd waved to me several times..=X left HTA at ard 8.30pm and the freaky bus-stop was empty..dark, quiet, no cars, no ppl = scare the hell out of me..luckily the bus came shortly after and i literally hopped in asap..reached home at ard 10plus..

totally slpt like a pig the moment my body touched the bed..lots of weird dreams though..

will be going for a job interview the coming tues..if all goes well, i'll be a teacher!! =D going for jer's bbq on christmas eve and gonna stay over at her hse..lots of fun foreseen!!! ^^

2008-12-14T13:29:00.010+08:00

WARNING: Unglam photos ahead. Mild discomfort might be possible.i'm sewing the bridesmaids' wristband and see wad jer is doing??? huh...=Phaha i was influenced by jer to take photos XDme like this photo...=Dthe not very hip-hop jer trying to dance hip-hop..=Pand now the not so cheena jer trying to dance chinese dance..=Phaha and my failure attempt to dance chinese dance too..=xdo i look like an indian in this??

haha this in an interesting long skirt...now i look like an indian...>.

haha the unglam series...

haha this photo was taken after i drank the so-called Enzyme Drink frm malaysia..my face neck and chest region all red la..super warm after drinking pls..haha okok i knoow i'm zilian...so dun ve to harp on it la huh..

haha one word - nua

yea tts all for the trip to jer's hse..left out quite a few repetitive de..will be posting those sentosa photos in another post..=)