这一年，到底算什么。。。
牺牲了很多东西，我也从没要求过任何回报。 这一整年的辛苦，除了走过同样的路的人，没有人会知道。
什么是义务？
对，没人在我的脖子上顶着刀，逼我做任何事。 是我傻，我蠢，才会一味地相信你们所说的话。 连别人都听得出你们在瞎掰，就只有我在穷担心。。。
本来我也没什么埋怨。 可是大家偏喜欢哪壶不开提哪壶。 而你们在说这些事时，有没有顾及我的感受？ 说的倒是轻松，刻满肚子的委屈也只有自己知道。
什么叫做忘恩负义，没义气，我现在看得很清楚。。。
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
朋友~情人~
友情和爱情之间，如何取舍。。。
道义，建立于无所不谈的哥儿们之间。
感情，建立于情人之间。
如果朋友和情人同时需要到你，你又会作出什么样的取舍？
如果先前就已经约好了哥儿们，可是情人又突然病倒了。 你，会履行哥儿们之间的约定，还是会选择留下照顾情人？
如果见到哥儿们的时间远远超出陪情人的时间，你是否会觉得不妥？还是会不以为然地耸耸肩？
道义，建立于无所不谈的哥儿们之间。
感情，建立于情人之间。
如果朋友和情人同时需要到你，你又会作出什么样的取舍？
如果先前就已经约好了哥儿们，可是情人又突然病倒了。 你，会履行哥儿们之间的约定，还是会选择留下照顾情人？
如果见到哥儿们的时间远远超出陪情人的时间，你是否会觉得不妥？还是会不以为然地耸耸肩？
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
生气，不生气。
生气和不生气，谁能分得清楚？
开心，又有什么定义？
我不开心，是因为我觉得你没有在听我说话。这是小事吗？当然，这因人而异。显然，在我眼里，这不是小事也不是一两次的事，所以我才会不开心。
说到底，我不喜欢被敷衍。任何人都好，请不要随便应一声就当作是回答了我。如果你没空/没兴趣，请直接告诉我，我会闭嘴。
大家都有自己的观点，所以真的不需要把自己的观点强加在别人身上，就如同我不会强制性地要求别人同意我的观点。同样的东西，对不同的人会有不同的价值或重要性。我只能说，今晚，我真的学了很多，也觉得很遗憾。到了最后一个学期，才发现其实我虚度了三年的光阴。每个人进大学都有不同的目标。很遗憾的，我并没有为自己设立了一个很明确的目标。到了现在才发现，其实我真的可以做更多能够造福人群的事，有意义的事。也因为这样，我才会觉得今晚的得奖人士都是值得尊敬的。
今天真的有‘一波未平，一波又起’的感觉，实在不是什么好滋味。希望受伤的心能够不留疤痕地快快痊愈。。。
开心，又有什么定义？
我不开心，是因为我觉得你没有在听我说话。这是小事吗？当然，这因人而异。显然，在我眼里，这不是小事也不是一两次的事，所以我才会不开心。
说到底，我不喜欢被敷衍。任何人都好，请不要随便应一声就当作是回答了我。如果你没空/没兴趣，请直接告诉我，我会闭嘴。
大家都有自己的观点，所以真的不需要把自己的观点强加在别人身上，就如同我不会强制性地要求别人同意我的观点。同样的东西，对不同的人会有不同的价值或重要性。我只能说，今晚，我真的学了很多，也觉得很遗憾。到了最后一个学期，才发现其实我虚度了三年的光阴。每个人进大学都有不同的目标。很遗憾的，我并没有为自己设立了一个很明确的目标。到了现在才发现，其实我真的可以做更多能够造福人群的事，有意义的事。也因为这样，我才会觉得今晚的得奖人士都是值得尊敬的。
今天真的有‘一波未平，一波又起’的感觉，实在不是什么好滋味。希望受伤的心能够不留疤痕地快快痊愈。。。
Monday, January 16, 2012
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
hi i'm back
Hi i'm back after so long...which might not be such a good thing afterall. Since i usually dun blog unless i'm really upset...
Birthday is just around the corner...just another 2more weeks or so but i cant feel the anticipation nor excitement...why???
Life's been pretty screwed up recently...studies, cca, love life seems to all jumble up into one whole big chunk of mess.
Sch is as usual..hectic and stuff with projects + lab reports....busy like hell and serious information overload...and wads the worst part....i cant seem to find time to study..
Cca is screwed up too...cant seem to achieve wad i'd set out to right at the beginning...starting to doubt my leadership and influence + interpersonal relationship skills...am i simply too demanding? like a living hitler apart from the fact that i'm not charismatic enuff...
Love was wad i told that cld keep me going in difficult times, by seeking support from the love of my life...but it turns out that i'm just not a good lover...i thought i did wadever i cld whenever i can...but it seems like thats not enuff..quarrels and arguements still surfaced over trival issues...am i too strong-headed? too sensitive but not sensitive enuff? Sometimes i jus wish that there can be this love guru whom i can turn to for solutions and ask wad went wrong on my part. I love u so much dear and i know u do too..but why isit that we just keep doing/saying things that upsets each other? U said that i'd always spoke to u in a condescending tone, which i went to google n it says a tone of superiority. Since whn ve i ever seen myself as more superior than u?? Yknow that sentence really made me think if i'm really such a 'demanding' and 'unreasonable' person...dear, i know u so well that a single expression or action can tell me wad kind of mood u're in now...and whn i'm well-aware that u're unhappy yet u refuse to admit, i cant help but ask myself why isit that u have to lie? Do u think that i duno u well enuff n so u can try to hide ur feelings whn ur expression tells me everything? U know for that 4hrs i was so frustrated n i din even had the appetite to eat. I had to constantly guess wads on ur mind becozu refused to acknowledge ur unhappiness. Pls dun ever do that to me becoz the suspense is torturing the helk out of me given that i was alr in a terrible state..
I really hate to cry but i just cant seem to control my tears recently...which is kinda bad coz i go to sch with red puffy eyes..i wonder if i can really pull thru all these...becoz i can feel the old 'me' returning.......
N to all my frens out there....if u think that there's a prob with my attitude etc, pls tell me right in my face...i'll rather have it that way than having cold treatments...or worse still, playing along with me till u cant take it anymore n explode one day...
Birthday is just around the corner...just another 2more weeks or so but i cant feel the anticipation nor excitement...why???
Life's been pretty screwed up recently...studies, cca, love life seems to all jumble up into one whole big chunk of mess.
Sch is as usual..hectic and stuff with projects + lab reports....busy like hell and serious information overload...and wads the worst part....i cant seem to find time to study..
Cca is screwed up too...cant seem to achieve wad i'd set out to right at the beginning...starting to doubt my leadership and influence + interpersonal relationship skills...am i simply too demanding? like a living hitler apart from the fact that i'm not charismatic enuff...
Love was wad i told that cld keep me going in difficult times, by seeking support from the love of my life...but it turns out that i'm just not a good lover...i thought i did wadever i cld whenever i can...but it seems like thats not enuff..quarrels and arguements still surfaced over trival issues...am i too strong-headed? too sensitive but not sensitive enuff? Sometimes i jus wish that there can be this love guru whom i can turn to for solutions and ask wad went wrong on my part. I love u so much dear and i know u do too..but why isit that we just keep doing/saying things that upsets each other? U said that i'd always spoke to u in a condescending tone, which i went to google n it says a tone of superiority. Since whn ve i ever seen myself as more superior than u?? Yknow that sentence really made me think if i'm really such a 'demanding' and 'unreasonable' person...dear, i know u so well that a single expression or action can tell me wad kind of mood u're in now...and whn i'm well-aware that u're unhappy yet u refuse to admit, i cant help but ask myself why isit that u have to lie? Do u think that i duno u well enuff n so u can try to hide ur feelings whn ur expression tells me everything? U know for that 4hrs i was so frustrated n i din even had the appetite to eat. I had to constantly guess wads on ur mind becozu refused to acknowledge ur unhappiness. Pls dun ever do that to me becoz the suspense is torturing the helk out of me given that i was alr in a terrible state..
I really hate to cry but i just cant seem to control my tears recently...which is kinda bad coz i go to sch with red puffy eyes..i wonder if i can really pull thru all these...becoz i can feel the old 'me' returning.......
N to all my frens out there....if u think that there's a prob with my attitude etc, pls tell me right in my face...i'll rather have it that way than having cold treatments...or worse still, playing along with me till u cant take it anymore n explode one day...
Saturday, June 4, 2011
dun dare to sleep
because i fear the repetition of that nightmare....
woke up with tears on friday morning...in fact i was woken up by my own crying and hard breathing...it was really a terrible nightmare and i hope it remains as just a nightmare...
please....
woke up with tears on friday morning...in fact i was woken up by my own crying and hard breathing...it was really a terrible nightmare and i hope it remains as just a nightmare...
please....
Saturday, May 21, 2011
a bad night sleep is indeed a catalyst for an otherwise perfect saturday...
woke up early for tuition..she's by-far, the best tuitee i've ever had...so no problem with tuition..
wad bothered me was the throbbing headache...and the lift reno really didnt make things better for me..
wanted to stay at home and really have a good rest after preparing my tuition materials...but turned out that mom wanted to visit granduncle at CGH...well she kinda set a guilt trap and i fell straight into it...so ended up going down to CGH with her in the afternoon..
it's only been less than 2weeks, and i could barely recognise him...he turned so skinny that i can see his protruding ribcage from the loose and hardly fitting hospital wear..they claimed that he'd been sent there due to low red blood cells count and low blood pressure, which were triggered cox of the blood cancer...they're doing a blood transfusion for him and hopefully things turn better..
well, at the very least, he's still conscious and able to recognise us..he even laughed at us for walking by and missing his ward, and smiled to us thinking that we'd brought rice for him..but he looked so frail that i find it too painful to look at him...many times i'd wanted to cry but held back my tears coz i know i just cant do that..
the doctor put him on a soft diet probably due to poor digestion, which means only porridge for him for the moment..we visited him with 2 tau shortly before his dinner arrived..it was just a small bowl of porridge, steamed egg mixed with minced meat, pumpkin and papaya...i guess that wasnt exactly filling for him coz he soon turned to us and asked for a bowl of rice, shortly after he gobbled up the dinner provided..mom tried to explained to him that becoz he's on blood transfusion so doctor doesnt allow him to eat rice..well thats probably the easiest way to explain things to him since he probably wun understand 'weak digestion'..he even turned to look at my mom's handbag and asked if she brought rice for him..mom just had to say no...
he turned to look away from us, eyeing other ppl's plates of rice and probably wondering why is he the only one eating porridge..he practically stared at the uncle sitting at the bed beside the whole time till he finished his plate of rice...when we tried to talk to him, he hardly bothered to reply/look at us, probably angry at the fact that we refuse to give him rice..when we visited him 2weeks ago at NUH, we'd promised him duck rice and fried rice the next time because he was still able to take in solid food back then..but we broke our promise and he's probably very angry about it...
its really a mental struggle...on one hand, we know that his days are numbered and it would be only moral to give him things that he wants to leave no regrets...in this case, it would be food that he likes to eat...but on the other, we also know very well that giving him food outside of that restricted diet might cause him more harm instead..we arent very keen on shortening his already-short and numbered days...
i really dread going to CGH...seriously of all hospitals in singapore, it had to be CGH...it wasnt exactly a pleasant experience the last time i was there almost a year ago..walking around CGH simply brought back all the unpleasant memories..in fact, i would term those memories as 'nightmares'....i really do hope that they're just nightmares and i would eventually wake up from them..
i was really on the verge of breaking down when i was alone at the lift lobby..the feeling of being alone with no support is really terrifying...
really really hope the visit tml will be less painful...
woke up early for tuition..she's by-far, the best tuitee i've ever had...so no problem with tuition..
wad bothered me was the throbbing headache...and the lift reno really didnt make things better for me..
wanted to stay at home and really have a good rest after preparing my tuition materials...but turned out that mom wanted to visit granduncle at CGH...well she kinda set a guilt trap and i fell straight into it...so ended up going down to CGH with her in the afternoon..
it's only been less than 2weeks, and i could barely recognise him...he turned so skinny that i can see his protruding ribcage from the loose and hardly fitting hospital wear..they claimed that he'd been sent there due to low red blood cells count and low blood pressure, which were triggered cox of the blood cancer...they're doing a blood transfusion for him and hopefully things turn better..
well, at the very least, he's still conscious and able to recognise us..he even laughed at us for walking by and missing his ward, and smiled to us thinking that we'd brought rice for him..but he looked so frail that i find it too painful to look at him...many times i'd wanted to cry but held back my tears coz i know i just cant do that..
the doctor put him on a soft diet probably due to poor digestion, which means only porridge for him for the moment..we visited him with 2 tau shortly before his dinner arrived..it was just a small bowl of porridge, steamed egg mixed with minced meat, pumpkin and papaya...i guess that wasnt exactly filling for him coz he soon turned to us and asked for a bowl of rice, shortly after he gobbled up the dinner provided..mom tried to explained to him that becoz he's on blood transfusion so doctor doesnt allow him to eat rice..well thats probably the easiest way to explain things to him since he probably wun understand 'weak digestion'..he even turned to look at my mom's handbag and asked if she brought rice for him..mom just had to say no...
he turned to look away from us, eyeing other ppl's plates of rice and probably wondering why is he the only one eating porridge..he practically stared at the uncle sitting at the bed beside the whole time till he finished his plate of rice...when we tried to talk to him, he hardly bothered to reply/look at us, probably angry at the fact that we refuse to give him rice..when we visited him 2weeks ago at NUH, we'd promised him duck rice and fried rice the next time because he was still able to take in solid food back then..but we broke our promise and he's probably very angry about it...
its really a mental struggle...on one hand, we know that his days are numbered and it would be only moral to give him things that he wants to leave no regrets...in this case, it would be food that he likes to eat...but on the other, we also know very well that giving him food outside of that restricted diet might cause him more harm instead..we arent very keen on shortening his already-short and numbered days...
i really dread going to CGH...seriously of all hospitals in singapore, it had to be CGH...it wasnt exactly a pleasant experience the last time i was there almost a year ago..walking around CGH simply brought back all the unpleasant memories..in fact, i would term those memories as 'nightmares'....i really do hope that they're just nightmares and i would eventually wake up from them..
i was really on the verge of breaking down when i was alone at the lift lobby..the feeling of being alone with no support is really terrifying...
really really hope the visit tml will be less painful...
Monday, May 9, 2011
Apology isnt everything...
kinda realised this today...
females hate it when males apologise for the sake of apologising, without know whats the reason behind one's anger....
'you are angry and you want an apology so I say sorry lor!'
that's likely wads going thru all guys' minds when their girlfriends/wives are fuming...
well, then i'm telling you, all guys out there, that an apology isnt everything... whats the point of getting an apology from someone who's still unaware of his mistakes??
不知悔改还敷衍了事，简直就是错上加错，大错特错！！记住，女人最讨厌没诚意的男人。。。
females hate it when males apologise for the sake of apologising, without know whats the reason behind one's anger....
'you are angry and you want an apology so I say sorry lor!'
that's likely wads going thru all guys' minds when their girlfriends/wives are fuming...
well, then i'm telling you, all guys out there, that an apology isnt everything... whats the point of getting an apology from someone who's still unaware of his mistakes??
不知悔改还敷衍了事，简直就是错上加错，大错特错！！记住，女人最讨厌没诚意的男人。。。
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
suffocating...
exams are really suffocating...cant wait for 4th may to end the short-term misery...2 more sems to go after this....
it feels really terrible when u yearn to do well but deep down, u know thats not gonna come try no matter how hard you try...
it feels really terrible when u yearn to do well but deep down, u know thats not gonna come try no matter how hard you try...
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
how does it feel like
to know when exactly you're dying?
*warning: this is an extremely depressing entry. viewer's discretion is advised..
if given a choice, will you
(1) choose to know when you're gonna die so that you can...
- leave the rest of your life to the fullest and leave no regrets
- spend the rest of your life trying very hard to make that day come slower (even though deep inside, you know that's impossible)
(2) choose to not know and live your live as per normal
up till today, i'll still choose option 1 for myself...
but, i'll really rather not know it for my family and friends....coz its too depressing for me to bear..
yes, if i know, then at least i can do whatever i can to accompany that person till his/her very last breath, grant all of his/her wishes, adjust myself to be able to accept his/her absence...
but all those are just too much to bear...
if that someone had been by your side for the past 10-20 years, how are you going to 'learn' how to accept his/her absence?
maybe i'm all too emotional.....or not?
*warning: this is an extremely depressing entry. viewer's discretion is advised..
if given a choice, will you
(1) choose to know when you're gonna die so that you can...
- leave the rest of your life to the fullest and leave no regrets
- spend the rest of your life trying very hard to make that day come slower (even though deep inside, you know that's impossible)
(2) choose to not know and live your live as per normal
up till today, i'll still choose option 1 for myself...
but, i'll really rather not know it for my family and friends....coz its too depressing for me to bear..
yes, if i know, then at least i can do whatever i can to accompany that person till his/her very last breath, grant all of his/her wishes, adjust myself to be able to accept his/her absence...
but all those are just too much to bear...
if that someone had been by your side for the past 10-20 years, how are you going to 'learn' how to accept his/her absence?
maybe i'm all too emotional.....or not?
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
no where else to rant
except for here...my beloved blog that will allow me to rant/vent whatever i want...
my foot hurts! seriously, this is the time when i really wish i could just say all sorts of #^$&^((#)$*$^$)#%!!>$(#$....rahhhhhh
just because of a stupid small blister, it developed into a big swollen one pus, and it hurts when i walked...so i decided to prick and poke a few holes, squeezed out all the 'juice' and pus, applied anti-bacterial cream....my toe turned purple!!!!! so i switched to qing cao you and plaster it...totally had difficulty walking coz i din want to put pressure on my last 2 toes (1. i din want my toe to hurt 2. i din want to squeeze out more 'juice'/blood) so after an entire day of 'limping', i ended with an extremely painful right foot. the part of the foot that connects to my last 2 toes hurts like S.O.T.B (pardon me, i couldnt find a better word than this)...tried massaging my foot and i ended up crying...
ohwells...guys might think 'wlau, its just a blister la....we'd been through worse in army...', girls might not be able to 'feel' the pain....but ohwells, i'm just ranting coz nth else could be done anyway...
darn..(ps: i dun usually end my post with sth crude, but lets make today an exception)
my foot hurts! seriously, this is the time when i really wish i could just say all sorts of #^$&^((#)$*$^$)#%!!>$(#$....rahhhhhh
just because of a stupid small blister, it developed into a big swollen one pus, and it hurts when i walked...so i decided to prick and poke a few holes, squeezed out all the 'juice' and pus, applied anti-bacterial cream....my toe turned purple!!!!! so i switched to qing cao you and plaster it...totally had difficulty walking coz i din want to put pressure on my last 2 toes (1. i din want my toe to hurt 2. i din want to squeeze out more 'juice'/blood) so after an entire day of 'limping', i ended with an extremely painful right foot. the part of the foot that connects to my last 2 toes hurts like S.O.T.B (pardon me, i couldnt find a better word than this)...tried massaging my foot and i ended up crying...
ohwells...guys might think 'wlau, its just a blister la....we'd been through worse in army...', girls might not be able to 'feel' the pain....but ohwells, i'm just ranting coz nth else could be done anyway...
darn..(ps: i dun usually end my post with sth crude, but lets make today an exception)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Realised that the best time to see/observe one's true character is when he/she is extremely tired...coz he/she will put in no/near zero effort to hide what they usually do, because pretence is no longer their top priority, neither do they have the energy to control their temper... haha some of u may disagree...but to be frank, it doesnt really bothers me...its my blog anyway....
Thursday, March 31, 2011
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