a lonely birthday

haha finally turned 17yrs old le...under much well wishes of my frenx and my bro...

some asked mi what do i want for my bdae present...i ponder for awhile...and i said..its nt sth you guys can give mi...actually what i want is really simple, all i wish for is to spend a little bit of your time with you...it need nt be a celebration..it can just be a short time to meet up and do some catching up...tts all tt i'm asking for..really...really...

haha how sad rite? I cant even rem when was the last time i'd blown my own bdae candles...was it 6yrs old or 5? well nt saying that bdae must have a cake..(though it will be good to have one) bt i really want to spend time with my frens and family, sitting down and chat abt all sort of craps! haha how irony...everyone smsed mi to ask mi to enjoy my day with my frenx...arent you one of my frens? oh wells...i guess having a bdae gal to stay at home the whole day, rotting in front of the computer seems to be quite a good idea yea? esp so when her heart was still so excited and keen yesterday to have someone to date her out on her big day..a day once in a yr..

oh wells...ya maybe i shld just numb myself bahx..wads a 17th yr old bdae in a live of 50-60 years right? there are still so many more opportunities...to be disappointed...but no matter how many times i said "its alright", "its ok", "i'm used to it"...i still cldn't convince myself tt its alright to celebrate bdae by myself...i still cant accept it...i tried..and i failed...how dumb right? and now i truly understand wad it means by ku xiao bu de...the feeling of swallowing all the disappointment and tears...oh how fair the heaven is to treat a bdae gal lidat....

well..its just an emo post..just click the [X] button on the top right hand corner of the page and leave quietly if you dun like it...thank you...this wld be the least you can do to a 17 yr old bdae gal...

had a bad start for the day...my parents went to see the HOD, all because for my disgusting results..well its definitely a wake-up call for mi...so no more dreaming no more slacking!!! and strictly no more time for keeping my mind occupied by some other stuff de!!!! >.<

hahaz but the rest of the day was still quite ok lahx...bio spa wasn't that tough and hopefully i din screw up..haha but i swear i really feel like eating the apple puree in the small beaker!!! it simply smells so so wonderful lahx..but dun noe whether got chemical in it not..=x hmm but the timetable was quite packed today..one lesson straight after another..haha no time to take a breather sia..good thing there's no official lessons tml...phew..=P

yeah i'm looking forward to tml...National Day Parade!!!! haha wells..its just a small one lahx..bt at least we're all proud to be a part of the marching and flag contingent...we represent the pride we have in our UGs...argh but i'm still struggling whether to wear the cadet's uniform or the CI one...sharks..oh wells, see my mood lahx hehex...so guys, jiayou for tml yea?! its our last time drilling and marching together in the contingent! so let it be our best shot and impress the rest!!! =)

if tt someone happens to see this post...i'll like to say something...wo bu zai xi huan ni le!! suo yi fang xi de qu zhui xun ni suo yao de ba, bu yao you ren he de kui jiu huo qian gua...wo bu hui fang zai xing shang de...jia you lo..wo hui zhi chi ni de...yong yuan de...zhi chi ni...^^

haha back to blog again...paiseh for the last 2 emo-tic posts..but i'd finally woke up...was on my way home a few days back, and i saw this gal on the same bus as me..she came down from the upper deck of the bus and alighted at the same bus-stop as me..i waited at the bus-stop for my nxt bus and she walked away, into a path which will probably take 20 minutes to reach home...

wondering why am i saying this story which appears to be so normal? becoz this gal whom i'm talking about is someone who is born handicapped...her left leg is only half the length of her the other leg and she supports herself with an artificial leg...and she is merely a primary school kid...the path to home may seem to only take us 20 minutes..but to her, it can be 30 minutes, 40 minutes or more...carrying the heavy sch bag, limping under the big hot sun, accepting all the weird glances..i seriously wonder how is she able to stand up tall and brave and i truly admire her...tt incident finally knocked some sense into me..why am i so bothered and troubled by my small problems when a younger kid out there can take in much more than i could? so for those who are reading this post right now..dun grumble and complain about your life when you're already so so much more fortunate than some others out there...be gladful and learn to appreciate what you have..and not think of what you lack of..

and i just came to realise tt some things are just not so easy to be forgotten..the more you want to forget it..the more you will be reminded of it..ironic rite? haha well tts life...change it or accept it, as i'd always mentioned...i certainly hope tt my emotions will nt affect my Bio SPA tml..cannot afford to screw up anymore test le..haha so shall set my mind clear tml, no more imaginations, no more brooding over stuff, no more figures in my mind..

CONCENTRATE CONCENTRATE AND CONCENTRATE!!!! haha i must be going bonkers le...well good luck to all those taking bio spa tml or even to those who'd taken it today...jiayou lo everyone!! =)

Song of the Day - 你要的不是我

怎么能忘 时间多长

你快乐吗 想代替你回答

你知道吗 走了好远 我才能去面对 这份牵挂 沉默伤悲

你要的不是我 心碎的失去轮廓

曾经给你的感动 只是情绪的波动

能给的不是我 放任你沉溺自由

掩饰不了我的笨拙 就连说话都会颤抖

我被遗忘在 你遗忘的角落

haha find this song very pleasing to my ears today..these few lines had already fully explained...

hmm it was an emotional one this morning..though TJCians are all used to learning to weird weird "holy" music (pardon my choice of words) everyday before flag-raising, but today's song really made me very emo..haha it was the "My Heart Will Go On" from Celine Dion played in the movie "Titanic", that will be the song of the day for tml! well..at tt instant, i seriously felt like crying while listening to the song..all the emotions simply just surge out, out from nowhere...and haha i swear i was tearing already, just a few more seconds to make my tears drop..hmm probably tt explains my sian-ness in school today bahx..cant seem to be able to find energy in whatever i did..so so reluctant and tired..even doing drills cant cheer me up..haha sth must be very wrong with me i guess..and maybe i'm getting better and better in hiding all my feelings, coz none of my frenx felt tt i'm weird today..so after all, i mastered 1 skill..sth worth to be happy about?

bad day..totally ruined...got no time to complete my bio mock spa, for duno wad reason..cant really absorb and internalise wad was taught in bio lect..pw was the worst..followed by the disappointing econs tutorial with disgusting grades for my case-study, and even the lunch which can never fails to turn me on, fails to do so today...drill session was bad as well, so slack...nth much happened in during PDP..and now here i am..lost and clueless on how to go about starting and completing my EoM...sometimes i just feel tt life is so tiring, to the extent tt i really wanna give it up..slping w/o having to wake up the next morning...won't tt be wonderful?

Somewehere, a voice calls, in the depths of my heart: "Keep dreaming your dreams, don't ever let them part."

Why speak of all you sadness or of life's painful woes? Instead, let the same lips sing a gentle song for you.

The whispering voice, we never want to forget. In each passing memory, always there to guide you.

When a mirror has been broken, shattered pieces scattered on the ground, glimpses of new life reflected all around.

Window of beginning, stillness, new light of the dawn, let my silent empty body be filled and reborn.

No need to search outside, nor sail across the sea. Cause here shining inside me, it's right here inside me.

I've found a brightness, it's always with me.

Taken from the ending part of "Spirited Away"

Found these sentences from Spirited Away, aren't they meaningful? oh wells..at least it shows the optimistic side of life..and acts as a form of strong encouragement for me to move on with life now..=)

Many things happened recently, be it good or bad..things which appeared to be on the bright side turned out to be disppointing, whereas those which seem to be bad happened to be real bad..haha guess my goddess of luck had gone for a long holiday? hmm tt just goes to show and prove that life is full of uncertainties, so happy or not..you'll still have to accept the truth..though it seem to be cruel, but tt is the only way we can learn and grow isn't it? A flower which grew up in a nursery can never withstand adversities and only through these cruelties, can we stand up to be a strong person in future...

if you can't change it, then just live with it..if you can't live with it, then just bear with it..and whatever that doesn't kills you, makes you a stronger person...

till then pals...