Wednesday, September 14, 2011
hi i'm back
Hi i'm back after so long...which might not be such a good thing afterall. Since i usually dun blog unless i'm really upset...
Birthday is just around the corner...just another 2more weeks or so but i cant feel the anticipation nor excitement...why???
Life's been pretty screwed up recently...studies, cca, love life seems to all jumble up into one whole big chunk of mess.
Sch is as usual..hectic and stuff with projects + lab reports....busy like hell and serious information overload...and wads the worst part....i cant seem to find time to study..
Cca is screwed up too...cant seem to achieve wad i'd set out to right at the beginning...starting to doubt my leadership and influence + interpersonal relationship skills...am i simply too demanding? like a living hitler apart from the fact that i'm not charismatic enuff...
Love was wad i told that cld keep me going in difficult times, by seeking support from the love of my life...but it turns out that i'm just not a good lover...i thought i did wadever i cld whenever i can...but it seems like thats not enuff..quarrels and arguements still surfaced over trival issues...am i too strong-headed? too sensitive but not sensitive enuff? Sometimes i jus wish that there can be this love guru whom i can turn to for solutions and ask wad went wrong on my part. I love u so much dear and i know u do too..but why isit that we just keep doing/saying things that upsets each other? U said that i'd always spoke to u in a condescending tone, which i went to google n it says a tone of superiority. Since whn ve i ever seen myself as more superior than u?? Yknow that sentence really made me think if i'm really such a 'demanding' and 'unreasonable' person...dear, i know u so well that a single expression or action can tell me wad kind of mood u're in now...and whn i'm well-aware that u're unhappy yet u refuse to admit, i cant help but ask myself why isit that u have to lie? Do u think that i duno u well enuff n so u can try to hide ur feelings whn ur expression tells me everything? U know for that 4hrs i was so frustrated n i din even had the appetite to eat. I had to constantly guess wads on ur mind becozu refused to acknowledge ur unhappiness. Pls dun ever do that to me becoz the suspense is torturing the helk out of me given that i was alr in a terrible state..
I really hate to cry but i just cant seem to control my tears recently...which is kinda bad coz i go to sch with red puffy eyes..i wonder if i can really pull thru all these...becoz i can feel the old 'me' returning.......
N to all my frens out there....if u think that there's a prob with my attitude etc, pls tell me right in my face...i'll rather have it that way than having cold treatments...or worse still, playing along with me till u cant take it anymore n explode one day...
Birthday is just around the corner...just another 2more weeks or so but i cant feel the anticipation nor excitement...why???
Life's been pretty screwed up recently...studies, cca, love life seems to all jumble up into one whole big chunk of mess.
Sch is as usual..hectic and stuff with projects + lab reports....busy like hell and serious information overload...and wads the worst part....i cant seem to find time to study..
Cca is screwed up too...cant seem to achieve wad i'd set out to right at the beginning...starting to doubt my leadership and influence + interpersonal relationship skills...am i simply too demanding? like a living hitler apart from the fact that i'm not charismatic enuff...
Love was wad i told that cld keep me going in difficult times, by seeking support from the love of my life...but it turns out that i'm just not a good lover...i thought i did wadever i cld whenever i can...but it seems like thats not enuff..quarrels and arguements still surfaced over trival issues...am i too strong-headed? too sensitive but not sensitive enuff? Sometimes i jus wish that there can be this love guru whom i can turn to for solutions and ask wad went wrong on my part. I love u so much dear and i know u do too..but why isit that we just keep doing/saying things that upsets each other? U said that i'd always spoke to u in a condescending tone, which i went to google n it says a tone of superiority. Since whn ve i ever seen myself as more superior than u?? Yknow that sentence really made me think if i'm really such a 'demanding' and 'unreasonable' person...dear, i know u so well that a single expression or action can tell me wad kind of mood u're in now...and whn i'm well-aware that u're unhappy yet u refuse to admit, i cant help but ask myself why isit that u have to lie? Do u think that i duno u well enuff n so u can try to hide ur feelings whn ur expression tells me everything? U know for that 4hrs i was so frustrated n i din even had the appetite to eat. I had to constantly guess wads on ur mind becozu refused to acknowledge ur unhappiness. Pls dun ever do that to me becoz the suspense is torturing the helk out of me given that i was alr in a terrible state..
I really hate to cry but i just cant seem to control my tears recently...which is kinda bad coz i go to sch with red puffy eyes..i wonder if i can really pull thru all these...becoz i can feel the old 'me' returning.......
N to all my frens out there....if u think that there's a prob with my attitude etc, pls tell me right in my face...i'll rather have it that way than having cold treatments...or worse still, playing along with me till u cant take it anymore n explode one day...
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