a bad night sleep is indeed a catalyst for an otherwise perfect saturday...

woke up early for tuition..she's by-far, the best tuitee i've ever had...so no problem with tuition..

wad bothered me was the throbbing headache...and the lift reno really didnt make things better for me..

wanted to stay at home and really have a good rest after preparing my tuition materials...but turned out that mom wanted to visit granduncle at CGH...well she kinda set a guilt trap and i fell straight into it...so ended up going down to CGH with her in the afternoon..

it's only been less than 2weeks, and i could barely recognise him...he turned so skinny that i can see his protruding ribcage from the loose and hardly fitting hospital wear..they claimed that he'd been sent there due to low red blood cells count and low blood pressure, which were triggered cox of the blood cancer...they're doing a blood transfusion for him and hopefully things turn better..

well, at the very least, he's still conscious and able to recognise us..he even laughed at us for walking by and missing his ward, and smiled to us thinking that we'd brought rice for him..but he looked so frail that i find it too painful to look at him...many times i'd wanted to cry but held back my tears coz i know i just cant do that..

the doctor put him on a soft diet probably due to poor digestion, which means only porridge for him for the moment..we visited him with 2 tau shortly before his dinner arrived..it was just a small bowl of porridge, steamed egg mixed with minced meat, pumpkin and papaya...i guess that wasnt exactly filling for him coz he soon turned to us and asked for a bowl of rice, shortly after he gobbled up the dinner provided..mom tried to explained to him that becoz he's on blood transfusion so doctor doesnt allow him to eat rice..well thats probably the easiest way to explain things to him since he probably wun understand 'weak digestion'..he even turned to look at my mom's handbag and asked if she brought rice for him..mom just had to say no...

he turned to look away from us, eyeing other ppl's plates of rice and probably wondering why is he the only one eating porridge..he practically stared at the uncle sitting at the bed beside the whole time till he finished his plate of rice...when we tried to talk to him, he hardly bothered to reply/look at us, probably angry at the fact that we refuse to give him rice..when we visited him 2weeks ago at NUH, we'd promised him duck rice and fried rice the next time because he was still able to take in solid food back then..but we broke our promise and he's probably very angry about it...

its really a mental struggle...on one hand, we know that his days are numbered and it would be only moral to give him things that he wants to leave no regrets...in this case, it would be food that he likes to eat...but on the other, we also know very well that giving him food outside of that restricted diet might cause him more harm instead..we arent very keen on shortening his already-short and numbered days...

i really dread going to CGH...seriously of all hospitals in singapore, it had to be CGH...it wasnt exactly a pleasant experience the last time i was there almost a year ago..walking around CGH simply brought back all the unpleasant memories..in fact, i would term those memories as 'nightmares'....i really do hope that they're just nightmares and i would eventually wake up from them..

i was really on the verge of breaking down when i was alone at the lift lobby..the feeling of being alone with no support is really terrifying...

really really hope the visit tml will be less painful...

Apology isnt everything...

kinda realised this today...

females hate it when males apologise for the sake of apologising, without know whats the reason behind one's anger....

'you are angry and you want an apology so I say sorry lor!'

that's likely wads going thru all guys' minds when their girlfriends/wives are fuming...

well, then i'm telling you, all guys out there, that an apology isnt everything... whats the point of getting an apology from someone who's still unaware of his mistakes??

不知悔改还敷衍了事，简直就是错上加错，大错特错！！记住，女人最讨厌没诚意的男人。。。

同床异梦

妈妈今天下午说得没错。。。那样的日子，可能真的会很累。。。